My Story ::  BecksMom

How Did You Meet?

I worked with his sister. She kept telling me about her brother and how I had to meet him. One day she showed me his picture and I agreed I had to meet him. Next time he was in town she invited me to go out with several people and him. When I walked in to the house our eyes met and we were inseperable ever since. He was the most handsome, funny, witty guy. He was everything I ever wanted in a man and more.

Describe your marriage before the problem.

My philosophy on marriage is that it is a long journey that you take together. You aren't always going to agree. There are things about the other person that will get on your nerves, but you deal and accept and move on. I did that. He didn't. I guess I was never the perfect woman and he wanted perfection. I was the best I could be. I believe he was the best he could be. In the end I guess it wasn't enough for him and eventually it probably wouldn't have been enough for me.    

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

He told me he wanted a divorce...out of the blue...8 months after our son was born. He told me I needed therapy. So I immediately went to a therapist who listened to me for 30 minutes and then asked me if my husband was having an affair. I said "absolutely not". But then I figured if it was the first thing he said to me that maybe I should think about it. That's when I started thinking about all the typical signs that someone is having an affair were things my husband was doing. I went home, waited for him to get in the shower and started reading his e-mail on his blackberry. I learned everything in the first e-mail I read.

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

I started testing him to learn his tells when he lies. He's amazingly good at lying. It was devastating. One day later he discovered that I knew about the affair. He was in lust and nothing else mattered to him but her. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for several weeks, but after losing 50 lbs I couldn't take it any more. I told him to end the affair or move out. He moved out. I hired a PI and a lawyer. I filed for divorce. I built my case while he did nothing but play video games and have an affair and as a result I have full custody of our son. I've managed to get him to sign the BMW and the life insurance policies over to me. Now I'm going for the house and the retirement plans and am working on leaving him with as much of our debt as I can. He is expecting a baby with this woman and being able to pay for it is his and her problem. Not mine. All I'm concerned about is me and my baby.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

Not having that incredibly close bond with another person that I had with my husband. I hate sitting alone with my thoughts.

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

I planned for everything but divorce because that would "never happen to us". Right! Always plan for the worst. Never let your spouse get you into insurmountable debt. I never take medicine but sometimes you need to take anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medicine to get through the day to take care of my son and keep my job. You've got to do what you've got to do to survive.

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

It's not final yet, but having my husband bring his pregnant mistress to our custody hearing would have been extremely difficult for me if I wasn't loaded up on lexapro and lorazapam.

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?