My Story ::  angielou

How Did You Meet?

We had known each other all our lives, but did not start dating until my senior year of college.

Describe your marriage before the problem.

Our Marriage has always been stressful.  He had a temper and was prone to yelling.  What I didn't understand for many, many years was that he was emotionally abusive.  Not just to me, but to our 2 sons.  I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I stayed with him because I loved him, had 2 children, worked part-time and felt financially trapped and was raised to endure instead of divorce.  He was a high school drop out and I have my Master's Degree in education.  He always felt inferior, I think, because he eventually had me convinced that I was too stupid to be able to do anything for myself.  He was in charge.

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

about 1.5 years ago, he started talking about this "friend" at work that was a woman.  After my mother died, he got a new job, spent less time at home and began in earnest his "friendship" with this woman.  He denied having an affair,said he loved me and wanted to stay married.  That was until I told him I did not want him to continue this particular friendship.  Right up until the last month, he denied anything. The day he left, he said there was no one else.  A month later, she moved in with him.

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

We are still separated.  I need his health insurance.  I am part time and won't be full time till next school year.  I am financially unable to purchase my own insurance at this time.  As time goes by, we are fighting more about financial settlements. I'm hoping to wear him down and I'm sure he is thinking the same.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

Initially, my biggest fear was that I would beg him to come home. I have never asked him to come home!  I had many fears about being alone for the rest of my life (you see, he always made me feel that he was the best thing since sliced bread!  I've found that I happen to like flat bread much better!).  I know now that isn't so.  Actually, at this point, I have no fears.....my children are well, my life is getting better and better and I have virtually no contact with him!

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

Make sure you have all your ducks in a row!  2 months before he left, I had consulted a lawyer because I had a feeling something like this was going to happen.

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?