My Story ::  alwaysbusy

How Did You Meet?

We had dated back in high school, and reconnected years later after I had been married and then divorced!  He was the bad boy in school and I was not a daring individual at all.  I was quiet and soft spoken and really reserved.  He was loud, daring, in and out of trouble.  As adults, he brought a son into the relationship and I brought 2 into it.  My children and I shared our home with my step son and his father, and within a week of them moving in, we outgrew the home, so a year later, I bought a house and we moved in.  I say "I" because he hadn't worked a steady full time job in many years.  And he was living at home with his son at his parents house.

Describe your marriage before the problem.

Sadly, my marriage was completely one sided and still is.  I was the one to take care of the kids, mine and his, and work full time away from the home.  He didn't work for the first year we were together and he told many "stories".  He now works, showers, eats, sleeps.  There is no common ground on how we are raising the children.  I am constantly downgraded and put down, my kids are constantly ran into the ground and not allowed to do anything unless their step brother can too, even if he is at his moms.  My oldest boy, almost 12, is always referred to with a noise that goes "dir-di-dir".  How is that right?  Its to the point that my children are unhappy, his child has to be unhappy too, and I know our fighting literally every day all the time, has to stop.. for the kids and for myself.

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

About 3 months into the marriage, he wasn't working, no income, no help around the house, no communication.  He was completely shutting everyone out.  I tried hard for 3 yrs to make the "perfect" marriage for us and the children involved, and literally only caused myself more pain.  I was considering divorce harshly by the 6th month of marriage with him.  I decided to try, let him come out of his ordeal.  He had at one time had a drug addiction and was trying to stay away from it all so I figured I would help out by being there.  Get him over the hump and on the road to a better life.  The keeping him out of trouble is the only thing that benefited from our relationship.

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

I have told him several times, on more than one occasion, in more than one way, that I want a divorce, I am done.  He NOW says he wants to try to make things right, he knows now what he needs to do.  Well actions speak louder than words and my children and I are the ones hurting in this.  He said that he will refuse to sign papers and he will not let me leave and he isn't going anywhere.  How do I get him to see that I am completely serious about this?  I was a single mom to 2 little boys when he came along and I was happy and content with that, I would gladly take the hardships of being a single mom back over this marriage ANYDAY.  I do want a divorce and I want him to know I am serious. 

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

The fear that I have is that he and his son will continue to bad mouth my children and make them feel uncomfortable at school or sports events.  I am not looking forward to fighting with him along those levels for the reason that he is so angry and negative and don't care what he says to who or how he makes anyone feel, ever!

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

Don't spend forever trying to make something right that you can't do alone.
Don't allow your children to have to take the verbal abuse from anyone, especially a step parent!

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?