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confusion 

He seems so indifferent, like it doesnt matter either way. He says he still cares for me but actions speak louder than words. He keeps making the same comment over and over that he made this decsion "on his own". One minute I want him back the next I think we(me and the kids) are better off w/o him. So many emotions......so exahasting......one minute I'm strong and think everything wil be fine the next I'm ready to beg him to come home. I am so mad at him for doing this to our family. I suggested marriage counseling over 2 weeks ago. he said no of course. I think he just wants to be single. We have been 2gether for a total of 17 years we were married at 18. so is this like his version of a mid life crisis? If so he needs to grow up. He's not only hurting me but our  kids too. He says he's talked to our 5 yr old and that everying is "fine" but he doesn't have to anwser the q's I get from him about "why" and do you love daddy anymore? When we were togther he talked down to me all the time and now I have no self estem. Now when he tries to "talk" he says he doesnt want to point fingers and blame but at the same time he tells me everything I've done wrong. He takes NO responsibilities for his actions. I'm just so tired of this rollercoster.
by charleybear  56 Posts 

Posted on 7/6/2008 10:23 PM 		Get AlertsGet Alerts!
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Comments for "confusion"  (4) (You must be logged in to answer)
Wow, I can't believe how similar we are.  I go through the same feelings.  One minute I feel strong and the next minute I crumble.  Afterwards I hate myself for caring.  He doesn't deserve my tears.  He says he has to concentrate on himself right now.  I get soo mad at that, I want to yell out: YOU WANTED TO GET MARRIED, YOU WANTED A CHILD.  Now you are confused, what a crock!  I think I need therapy!  Everyone tells me to be strong, so I will tell you the same even though I know it is hard.
by wow9cats   341 Posts
Posted on 7/7/2008 8:19 AM
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I know your fustration.  I have been in the same situation for several months now.  It is really hard to let go of something that you are use to and comfortable with.  You are going to swing back and forth for many months.  This I do know.  If it was meant to be together, then you and he will find a way to "fix" it.  Both parties have to want it.  It sounds like he is out.  It sounds like he has made the decision to not try.

I know that I went through..."this is not happening to me".  "I can't believe your are divoricing me...of all people",  "what did I do wrong?"
This has nothing to do with you.  He is making his own choices, granted they suck and are screwing up your life right now, but there is really nothing that you or I can do about someone else's choices.  But live with them, whether you choose to be a part of the circus ring he is creating right now is your choice.

You are in a state of shock and disbelief right now,  Some days I am still there.  Yesterday was a good day that turned bad by evening. time.  My thoughts and feelings got the better of me again...I really hate that about me.  I cared to much.  He did not care at all.

Letting go is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  Some days I think I am there...I am really not.  Time is the answer and I hate that.

So we all sit and wait...sigh...at least we can wait together as friends.  Take care
by dyben   562 Posts
Posted on 7/7/2008 5:53 AM
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Why?  Why do people go back and forth?  don't they see the people they are hurting?  Why can't they just stop being so selfish.  If you don't love someone let them go completley, don't make them believe that you feel something you really don't, how much more can they hurt you by being honest.
by Cruzer   23 Posts
Posted on 7/6/2008 11:59 PM
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