I was raised by my grandparents so they are like parents to me.  My grandpa passed away this last April and that was really hard on me, I have to admit it was harder than the divorce.  I try to visit my grandma as much as I can but it hasn't been as often as I'd like.  This past week I have been over more and one of those days I saw a big grey box with big blue lettering on it sitting in what used to be my grandpas closet.  It was from a fancy Minneapolis department store from my childhood.  It brought back memories of dancing around a store with fancy clothes racks and walking down a hall of grey, shiny marble with grey marble pillars.  I'm not sure where that memory come from...  It's something I haven't thought about since since I was a kid. 

The kids are handling the divorce very well.  I think that's because their dad is deployed and gone away.  They haven't asked any quesitons about our divorce since the day we told them but they will ask questions about Iraq or talk about their dad being in Iraq.  It makes me see which part of their life they are more worried about right now- their dad's saftey.  And I like to think that when we told them about our divorce we did a pretty good job reassuring our love for them and that we'd both be there for them- so hopefully that has set them at ease about their family. 

I have been doing pretty good too.  I think I adjusted pretty quickly but I suppose that would be easy to do when I was so miserable with him.  I still get a little angry at him sometimes when I think of all the lying he's done to me these past two years about his affair, I feel that it was wasted time that I could've spent getting over him.  And I think I knew.  I took him back too quickly after our last seperation and when it all sank in afterward, I knew I'd make a mistake.  I was so miserable and depressed but I felt like I couldn't put the kids through that again so I sucked it up and tried to act normal.  I always knew there was something wrong but I couldn't put my finger on what it was.  When he finally came clean about the affair and lying to me it was almost a relief.  Don't get me wrong, it was still extremely painful.  I still love him too.  But I have been able to mourn and move on now, which was someting I couldn't do before.  As soon as he confessed to me I knew without a doubt that it was over.  I guess in a strange way that gives me peace of mind.

I have been really busy with work, kids evening activites and general life problems.  The thing I am dealing with right now is trying to sell my van.  I inherited my grandpas car when he passed away and I want to keep that one instead.  It's a cute sportier car- I think he went through a late mid life crisis.  :-)   It has been hard to sell the van, I've had a few calls but nothing has panned out.  Maybe it's because of gas prices or maybe it's a result of our economy, but I'd really like to get rid of it- I don't plan on paying for insurance on two cars. 

I have been making a lot of new friends and already have met some great singles in my age group.  Between my new friends, my old friends and my family members I feel like I have a great support group.  Today for the 4th of July I am getting together with my sister and we are going to bake our bodies on the beach today.  She is going to go home to her hubby for the last half of the day and I am going to a picnic with some friends.  It will be fun to go hang out at the beach today, I have been too busy so far to really enjoy summer yet.  So hopefully this will help make up for lost time.

Well, I am doing much better now and feel like I am on the path I was meant to be on.  I know I'm out of a dead end marriage and I now have the oppourtunity to have peace and happiness in my life again.  And maybe one day a great man too.  I hope everyone else reading this will find the happiness they deserve. 

BEST WISHES TO EVERYONE ON THIS SITE! 

AND HAPPY 4th OF JULY!!!