Shortly after posting my previous blog entry, I thought of a few more subjects of conflict that I forgot. OK, truth be told, I was telling my best friend about the post and she rattled off five more issues that she's encountered in her own relationships.
As with the previous list, whether these issues become deal-breakers is entirely dependent on the parties involved. Some people can agree to disagree, while others demand agreement and validation of their opinions.
1. Family – There are couples I know who if orphaned, would never fight again. Every point of conflict in their relationships is related to their extended families. They fight over whether their parents treat them equitably in comparison to siblings, they fight over how involved their parents are in their lives, they fight over who to spend holidays with, they fight over how much contact to have, etc. Basically, they forget who their priority should be – each other – and allow their relatives to get in the way.
2. Religion – It may seem like a basic topic that would be discussed early on, but faith is one of those areas that many of us take for granted. I find that we tend to be egocentric in matters of faith, assuming those around us to have the same belief structure as we do. In relationships, these issues flare up intermittently but gain an incredible amount of steam when children are introduced in the relationship. What people will compromise for themselves can become non-negotiable when it comes to instilling values in children.
3. Politics – Similar to religion, politics is one of those areas that we gloss over in others until such a time that it really matters. The problem with political differences is that they can cause us to re-examine other facets of our significant other’s character. It may take a presidential race to find out that while you support a woman’s right to have abortions, regardless of whether you’d consider such action personally, that your significant other thinks they should be banned regardless of circumstance. Such a conflict could have both of you wondering how you could have missed the other’s apparently lack of logic compared to your own.
4. Ambition – I think there are two types of people in this world. Those who want more out of life than they presently have and those who do not. There are different gradations on either side of the continuum but the level of a person’s ambition in relation to their significant other’s can cause a lot of conflict. Wanting more comes in a variety of shapes and sizes; you can want more money, more prestige, more family time, more leisure, more respect or a combination of the above. But if you are the type to want more, you are always hungry – and it’s very difficult to accept those who aren’t as hungry as you.
5. Friends -- My best friend lumped this area together with family, but I've separated it here because I know not all people put their friends in the same category as their relatives. I subscribe to Dear Abby's philosophy of family being nothing more than a accident of genetics. Therefore, there are many friends who rate higher on my priority scale than many relatives. Not seeing eye to eye on this subject can be treacherous for couples. If friends are optional on your list, it's not such big deal if your significant other can't stand yours. If, however, you consider your friends to be more important than your parents, your significant other's opinion of them matters much more.