Mr. Ex has done it again. Just the other night, he landed himself in the slammer. This would be the second night he’s spent in jail this year – and in his life. This time, his visit was due to acts committed during a bar fight.
Further proof that I made the right decision in leaving him, right? Then why do I feel like such a jerk? Because I thought I raised him better than that.
When I sit down and confront myself with the reality of my marriage, I can admit that it was over long before I called it quits. I spent the last year of our marriage attempting to raise him into what I thought was a self-sufficient adult. Of course, I didn’t see that at the time. I thought I was training him to be the husband I needed. But that’s not the case at all.
Every lesson I taught in basic money management, career choices, future planning and decision-making was merely paving the way for me to walk away from the relationship without guilt. Subconsciously, I figured that if I gave him the tools needed to survive without me, I wouldn’t have to feel bad about breaking his heart.
The reality, of course, is that you can’t make someone grow up. Sure, you can go out of your way to teach life lessons, but you can’t force learning. That, unfortunately, is up to the individual. And in cases like Mr. Ex’s, that really sucks because he’s still an emotional teenager and there is nothing I can do to stop that.
Part of me worries of what others will think. Will they cluck their tongues at how his life went downhill after I broke his heart? Or will they just sympathetically applaud me for getting out when I did – before he developed a criminal record through a string of bad decisions and bad behaviors?
Why does it matter?
I’ve never been the type to care about what others think – except when it comes to him. That’s something that has to change immediately. As his ex-wife, I have no control or responsibility over how he lives his life. Therefore, it makes no sense for me to feel accountable for his choices. My brain knows that. I just hope my heart can start acting accordingly.