Knowing whats right for me and kids. 

Hey-

Same story here...Still living with the STBX. Sleeping in separate beds, no kisses, no hugs, no marriage. Two kids on board for all this as well. My wife still acts like a mom, which is good, but at the moment we work together at home and I need to find a job and move out, which is bad.

I'm feeling all the same things you are feeling...Grief, despair, hopelessness, etc. All the good advice just sort of bounces off and falls on the floor while you are in your own cocoon of depression.

But one thing I've come to learn is that we tend to romanticize about what we thought we had. I am now looking at my marriage in a different light. I thought it was good, I thought I was happy, I thought we'd be married forever. But, not only is my wife a different person now than when I married her, I feel like my marriage was a different marriage than I thought it was. That might sound strange, but it is actually comforting for me to have that revelation.

Now, back to the advice...Yes, do get out, do things you never could do while married. I know when you do things with the kids it's inevitble to feel like 'something's missing' but those feelings are transient, and they will fade in time.

Like I've written before, the arc of improvement isn't an even one, but slowly and surely things trend to the positive, as long as you allow them to.

Take care and send a note if you feel like it.