I have no idea why, but I called my ex today because I was feeling pretty down (which is kinda unusual) ANYWAY...he was actually able to cheer me up some and told me how he was doing. He was obviously drunk or he wouldn't have confided in me. I told him how our son was doing and such & such. I also told him about what happened a few years ago when he (my ex) attempted suicide. My son told me just the other day that police officers at the hospital had asked him if he or his sister had tried to kill their father! He went on to tell me that when he had responded that, no, they hadn't, they then asked him if his mother (me) had tried to kill him! (my ex overdosed on pills and alcohol) I didn't know anything about the police even being there until just the other day. So, I told my ex about this and he began to cry. He said "now I know what's wrong with our son" and finally figured out that his suicide attempt had hurt us as well as him. Until today, he had never acknowledged that this had affected anyone but him. He finally apologized to me and after some more talking, he told me he still had hope that we would be able to resolve our marriage and that I was the only women he would ever love, had ever intellectually challenged him, yadda, yadda, yadda... If you've read my story, you know we both have bipolar disorder. At this point, I am stable and content with my life, for the most part. He is not. He is still on the roller coaster. Which is pretty much what bipolar is like to put it simply.
Until today, my ex has never taken
any responsibility for anything that happened during our marriage. I
know a relationship with him, beyond friendship would never work. I have already spent 20 years trying to make a life with him. It's like walking on broken glass, to put it mildly!. It's difficult to even say we are "friends". I have always loved him, even when we divorced. I just couldn't live with him any longer. I really don't know how to feel about what he said! I guess I should probably just take it like every other time he's been drunk and just go on about my life. It was just really weird and unsettling to hear him finally apologize. I think he might actually have gotten a clue today. I'm sorry for rambling such, but it really was weird and I had to get it out. I haven't made a journal entry before, so I hope this wasn't too much information! Thanks to all of you on here who care and I hope you all have a great evening.