I initiated my divorce due to my husband's hard core porn addiction and his lack of lust for me.  Last time we had sex was on my 40th birthday last year in Paris and I had to initiate it!!  My problem now is he has moved on and seems to be pretty serious about this woman who has a son close to our son's age so it's one big happy family (We are not even divorced yet, it's only been 3 months and he says he met her 2 1/2 months ago) .  Now that I know what I had before (security, companionship, friendship).  I miss him.  I think I made a terrible mistake and I know this is only because he has moved on so quickly and I struggle to respond to a man who shows interest.  Damn it, I am a good looking, fit, healthy woman and I want this porn addict back in my life.  He took care of me.  I was content.  I had a housekeeper, beautiful custom cabin in the mountains.  Now I have nothing.  I fill my days (when I dont have my son) with drinking and smoking again.  All I do is listen to sad music and cry and look at pictures of what used to be.  It is not fair.  He is the one with the porn addiction.  He has lied throughout our marriage about it (10x to be exact).  We went to counseling, he saw a sex addict therapist, I went to a support group.  I don't mind porn, but he was into violent hard core shit, and he never even wanted to touch me.  Okay, I have had 3 glasses on wine and I had to vent.  God, I hope this ends.  I hope I can cope, I hope I can find a job and be happy.  I deserve it DAMN IT!!!