Broke The News To The In-Laws 

I was going to let my husband break the news to his parents about the impending divorce, but as things ended up, I told them first yesterday. I wasn't trying to be mean or not allow him to tell him, since they are his parents, but it just spilled out of me.

I had to take our kids to his parent's house before I left for my 2nd job, as my husband was going to be over their helping out with a project for his dad, and I got there before he did. I walked into the house and heard my mother and father in-law say hello and open their arms wide for my children and I, which is when I lost it.

I got choked up and tears started to fall. My MIL's face dropped and she asked what was wrong, but I just couldn't find the words, knowing that it was more my husband's place to speak of our situation than it was mine. My son looked at me and asked me why I was crying, and all I could do was tell him that sometimes adults just cry for no real reason.

My FIL had not said much, but I could see that he was concerned as well about why I was crying, so he tried to distract my kids and that's when I softly sobbed that I will be filing for divorce. I told my MIL that I am sure my husband would speak to them about it in more detail, but for many, many reasons, this was a hard decision that I came to.

My dear MIL looked at me and said, "You won't be leaving, though, right?"

I was confused at first and I said, "I'm not leaving town, no. I do hope that even with all of this that I will be able to still come over and visit with you."

She got a tear in her eye and honestly said, "You are darn right you will be still coming over, even if it means that we come drag you here and addle your pass." (of course, trying to keep the conversation clean with the kids running around she meant paddle my a**)

I cried even harder and she opened up her arms and said that they love me and will always want me in their lives, just as I have been for the last 11 years. I embraced her and said that I was glad because they are about the only real family I do have (my mother lives 3 states away, as does my father, my sister and brother live in the same state as my mother, but my brother has basically dis-owned me and refuses to even acknowledge that he has an older sister (me) while my sister and I just don't talk much).

I know this isn't what they wanted to happen...heck, I didn't even want it to happen...but to have them both still accept me lovingly was a huge relief. I am sure that if my MIL and I get more time to actually talk openly (we kept it clean and hushed voices because of the kids) she will let me know that she is not happy that I didn't give it enough of a chance, but in the same sense, I know she will be loving about it.

My MIL and I are from different eras, so I understand her viewpoint about how I should be more subservient and not really stand up for myself, which might include being harsh or questioning, but because of our generation gap, I try to listen without getting upset. She has been with her husband for 40 years, and while I am very excited and proud about that, the relationship they have is quite dysfunctional and filled with almost a love/hate feeling most of the time. My husband and his father are a lot alike, so my MIL knows (and has expressed it to me before) how THEY are not the one with any problems (always sarcastic because she does know how both of them act and never profess that they have a problem that needs anymore attention than to not talk about it and hope it gets better).

I love them so much and I expressed that I am not doing this out of spite or to hurt anyone. I am honestly doing this out of love for everyone involved and there are so many things as to WHY I am doing this that I couldn't discuss it all (though she has heard a lot over the years).

My FIL didn't say much, and since he's deaf in one ear, I'm not sure how much he actually knows, but I know he understood what was going on. I think I worry about his perception more than my MIL's, but then again, when my husband told him about my affair, it was my FIL that told my husband that if I had an affair, then he (my husband) probably wasn't doing a good enough job as a husband and was partly to blame for me being that vulnerable to fall into the trap of getting attention/love/happiness/whatever from someone else.

I don't know where it will lead, but I am so thankful that I have the in-laws that I do. I love them as if they were my own family and they have given me love as if I was their own daughter. I always feared the MIL horror stories, but my MIL is probably the world's best MIL, with a few annoying habits and times, but even I know I am annoying at times, so I don't hold it against her.

I left just as my husband arrived and while I don't know what was said after I left, I know from what little my MIL said to me, they will do their best to support both of us through this difficult time because they know I am not out to do anymore harm than I already have. I'm pretty sure that my MIL had some choice words about me privately to my husband, but I try not to let it bother me, as she must support her son more than me and I know she has not always been happy with how I deal with my marriage (again, mostly the generation gap and I am more independent and outspoken about my boundaries than she is).

They may not like what is happening, they don't have a very functional marriage, and they may be giving him more support than me, but I am so very blessed to have them open their arms to me and still want to support me as best as they can. I could not have asked for anything more and I cherish that heartbreaking few minutes yesterday because it helped me realize yet again that even with the ending of my marriage, it doesn't mean that the rest of my life is ending.

Whether the in-laws are married, divorced or dysfunctional in either one of the situations, I wish everyone had in-laws like the loving ones I have in my life...