I have a friend - we'll call her Joan - who has been with the same guy for over twenty years. They met when she was just out of her first marriage, at the young age of twenty-two. She had been married for two years and vowed never to do it again. This new guy - we'll call him John - was the true and real love of her life. And they stayed together for twenty years!
Not once did marriage ever come up as an aspect of their relationship. John too had been married once before and he and Joan swore that it was the ruination of everything good and holy. Being together for twenty years, living together, sharing bank accounts and household chores, living exactly like a married couple had a profound effect on the couple. Joan would often refer to John and her husband, and John would refer to her as his wife, absentmindedly, not as a pet name.
Three days ago John said he was leaving, just like that. The relationship had had a shelf-life and it was slowly coming due. He said that Joan was controlling and argumentative and that he just couldn't take it anymore. He walked out. Rumor has it he's staying with his brother.
But what, Joan asked me, can she do now? She can't file for divorce, because they were never married. She can't claim half of anything; and who gets custody of Marmaduke, their golden retriever puppy?
This conundrum made me wonder: Joan and John had twenty great years and one bad month and yet their "marriage" isn't a marriage, but a couple of drunk idiots who sign a license can be declared married. It just doesn't seem fair. Shouldn't "marriage" be more about the sentiment, the hearts of both people involved, and less about legality?
What do you guys think?