Do you ever get that overwhelming feeling that you don't want to go forward, but can't go back.

It's not really a self-pity thing, it's more like feeling suspended in time.

The person you thought you knew is gone forever, and now everything has drastically changed.

I know it's just temporary (yeah, isn't everything) but it's just such a lonely feeling.

I know in time I can get past all this, but it's just such a tragic feeling having someone pull the rug out from underneath not just you, but your whole family. My apologies to any widows or widowers, but In some ways it seems even worse than a death of a spouse because of the rejection element to it. Especially when they sort of just see you as a malignant part of their life they just want to cut out, and happily move on from. Perhaps it was at one time difficult for them too, but they've long since gotten over it. At least that's the story for me.

No physical abuse, no verbal abuse, no big fights. Just someone who wasn't getting what they needed emotionally and decided to seek it out elsewhere instead of letting her husband in on the problem. And by the time I found out the seriousness of it all, it was already too late.

Like the other journalers here in my situation, some days are better than others, but on days like today, I just feel paralyzed.

Thanks for tagging along, everyone reading this.