I saw the tears fall from his eyes and I heard the soft sobs in the light and in the darkness as my words broke his heart into a million little pieces.  My heart broke right along with his and I feel as though what both of our dreams were is now dead and will never be again.

This was so painful and I just wasn't stoic in the least - the emotions flowed through me and the tears fell freely while I finally freed him from the confusing conflict that has been so evident for so long now.

I stopped the back and forth, the push and pull, the tidal waves of confusion for both of us...

I told him that I am going to file for divorce.

I cried as my heart broke and I struggled to say those words that my brain and my soul were speaking that were in such contrast to my heart.  I needed to say the words to end the war raging inside me - my heart loves him more than he will ever understand, especially more so now since my actions of wanting a divorce are in such contrast to love, but for us to grow and become the people we were meant to be, we have to let each other go.

We need the vows between us to be severed so we can focus on being the greatest parents we can be to our children.  He needs to be free as much as I need to be free, even though our hearts tell us something different than that right now.

I love him enough to know that I must let him go...

I need to let go of the pain and resentment I have from years of hurt between us, and I cannot do that while still being his wife...

I am hurting so bad and my heart broke because I am not strong enough to let go of what the past was and to give my faith in him the wings to fly blindly as I have previously.

I am so heartbroken that I, his wife, just doesn't have the strength any longer to not hold the past against him and give him the chance he wants and deserves.  I feel so awful that I am tearing his dream out of his heart and crushing it into indistinguishable pieces.

He deserves so much more than I can give him now, even though he believes that we are meant to be together forever, and I want to give him the wings to fly and maybe we will find each other again...

I want to give myself wings and fly away from the pain...

I want to let go...

It will never be fair to him if I don't...

Even though my heart is breaking right along with his...

I love him so much but I know I have to do this and I know I will forever love him.  It's time to mourn this loss and continue to love in a different way without the disappointments and heartache so we can both grow and be the best that we can be without hindering each other any more than we already have.

To my love...my husband...my soon to be ex-husband...

I have always loved you and I am so sorry...

All I can say is that I am so deeply sorry...

May your wings spread and send you soaring from this pain...I will keep my eyes to the heavens and pray that I see you there...