I found Brandy 

  Today I ran some errands and took the children to McDonalds for lunch. Oh I love my kiddies but today is one of those days they act like animals and I consider developing a drug & alcohol problem!! HA HA but all is well now, they all got happy bellies and the boy is sleeping. The girls and I are going to finish in their bed room. It is all ripped apart and we are weeding thfough the clothes and toys they no longer have any use for. My god the clothes they have!!! Macy's would be jealous of the inventory in that room.  I told my friend I would go through my clothes as well and pass those onto her. With all the weight I lost I can't wear them. Hell, I don't want to wear them again. I am feeling pretty good about the way I look these days. I still want to loose another 20 lbs but I will get there when I get there.  No need to rush into something not healthy I sapos.

  Well, me and the hubby are still going along pretty good. Hard not to jump back into what was there before but we are showing some restraint in some areas. He is back in the house & we are sharing the bed and pretty much all aspects of our lives but there are a few that are still his & still are mine.  We are still talking about everything under the sun. Funny, when he left I didn't watch TV cause I was here. Now I am still not watching TV because we spend the night talking and I don't miss the television at all.  I am enjoying his company and there are some points in wich we have changed ourselves when we split. It is nice getting to know those new parts as well.  I see myself become a little "self centered" I fuss with make up and hair styles. I ditched all my dumpy frumpy clothes and bought new. And there are some "old favorites" in my personality that has come back out to play as well. My neighbors are now enjoying Metallica at high volumes while I dance & clean around my house. And I aint pussy footin around either......OLD METALLICA not that mellow new stuff.  Hubby is still alittle shocked at my love for certain types of music. He likes metallica but it is the odd punk & glam bands that never made it to the mainstream that gets him thinking. I just make sure to sing it louder (and more off key). He rolls his eyes and deals with it. He fell in love with me all those years ago for who I was but along the way I grew up and into a different person while the real Brandy was tied up & gagged in the back of my brain. He likes it but I know he has a fear I will change my mind and run. He sees other people looking at me and new friends and new clothes and he worries. He knows I love him and I am in love with him but he sees me in a different way. Maybe not so much  in the comfortable "old shoe" way he seen me before he left.   I guess I still have my worries as well. I worry about the next time something eats at his mind....and I can only hope we still talk like we have for the last several days.  That girl at work has shown herself as I said she would and he knows to trust my judgement. If I say a friend has crossed the line, take me for my word and kill the friendship. She listened to how much he loved me and  even listened to our problems, made sure to be such a good friend untill he said he was coming to me to ask forgiveness then the shit hit the fan.  I didn't fuss much, I told him it was her friendship or my marriage, he chose and when she kept calling & texting, I answered. She had nothing to say when I was on the other end of the phone. No begging, no I could love you betters no she treats you bad. Just stone silence. She knows that I knew what the game was and I will play it but on my rules. Hubby pointed out I was spiteful & vendictive. I guess I am but I don't get fucked over much in life as others do. I was willing to fight as dirty as needed and I don't go for blood (all the time) I go for total and complete humiliation. I was willing to do that 100%. Let me apologize...... I don;t look at marriage as "untill something new catches my eye" or "Untill some one more fun comes along" Marriage to me is something that needs attention, up keep and respect. My marriage and my family are the only things in life I don't look at as replaceable. I can replace my car, my job, my home and even my friends but not my marriage and my kids. I will put that extra effort and sweat to make sure I keep those intact and safe from harm.
  You guys have been a big help to me. And I can feel like I know who & what I am with a much clearer head. I am mellowing out to an extent in areas. I have given hubby permission to take our (my) girls to his mothers house. He wants her to see us all as a family some day before it is too late. I understand that but I asked him if they felt left out or seem uncomfortable or was treated any less than his girls, he was to call & I would pick them up. He stated that if that happens than he will make the proper adjustments. I don't want him to loose them again but he said our family is whats important and this is a last chance deal. I will respect that. It is something he feels he needs to do. As long as my kids are happy & shown respect. I know they wil loffer her the same. I have raised my children to be respectful and polite as well as friendly & forgiving. Maybe she will see them as good girls and not "THAT BITCHESCHILDREN". Who knows. But for now I am off to clean.
Take care all.