What a nightmare 

Just filed this past week.  I told him a week ago that I was done, period-dot and he left for work after accusing me of being a Be-atch and using him for his money and being cold and calculating-not his exact words but a summary.  When I met him, 2001, we were both single, in our 50's, and in the same line of work.  He was my trainer and we became friends and then lovers.  I was crazy about him and ignored the warning flags.  The drinking, the drug use, the disappearances.  I thought I had found someone who wanted the same things I wanted.  A home, security, a mate to share life with.  What I ended up with was a man who wanted all of those things and no responsibilities.  As long as I was willing to contribute all, and he could kick in what he wanted and did not say anything about the drinking binges, or the mariuana use, all was well.  I lost my sense of self and after disappointment after disappointment and tamping down the anger day upon day, I finally snapped.  I have lived with a man who really does not know me or want to know me.  I have become "the ball and chain" who is  a "stick in the mud"-his words when I raise objections over his indulgences.  Because I enjoy being home when not working and take pleasure in simple things I am a "reclusive nut ball with 6 personalities"  Now while I wait for the court to file, I am under fire.  Rants, verbal and emotional abuse.  If I do fail financially, so be it.  I am willing to shoot myself in the foot if that's what it takes.  Life is too short to stay in a miserable loveless marriage.  It is much better to be alone and be lonely, than to be in the same room with your husband and be lonely.