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friday before father's day 

not sure what to do. do i get my ex a gift?  do i show my kids the 'right thing to do'.  he doesn't do this in return.  what do i do?
by Vicki  854 Posts 
Posted on 6/13/2008 8:41 AM
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Tags: father's day
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Comments for "friday before father's day"  (3) (You must be logged in to answer)
I say it all depends on your sitiuation. I'm currently going through a mean spirited divorce process and when mother's day rolled around, I did not get my stbx a card, take the kids shopping to get her a gift , nor did I call her. This is based on our bitter relationship that stems from her carefully planning/filiing for the divorce to her financial advantage, deploying unecessary parent alienation tactics, and making false allegations against me which has impacted my relationship with our 4 children.

I guess I've lost a lot of respect for her during the process and it just did not feel right to acknowlegde her on mother's day (outside of the kids I try to keep my distance from her). In retrospect, I guess I did not display the best example for my kids. Sort of a catch 22 situation. That said, I still do not regret my decision nor do I expect anything from her on father's day.
by djblives   14 Posts
Posted on 6/13/2008 12:54 PM
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I agree with Trisha - it would depend on the kid's ages. If they are young, then set a good example and take them shopping.  It doesn't have to be extravagant but you'll be showing them how nice it feels to remember someone else's day.


If they are older, then offer to take them shopping but leave it up to them. They may be sensing their father's disinterest already and they might be ready to drop the tradition.

And it doesn't matter that he doesn't return the favor. You are doing the right thing - he isn't.

 

My ex never took my kids shopping for my birthdays, Christmas or Mother's Days. I never mentioned it in front of them because I didn't want the kids to feel bad for HIS stupidity. But the kids always managed to make a sweet card or try to make me breakfast - and those memories are more precious to me than some store bought gift.

I quit making any effort a few years ago when I offered for my ex to have the kids on Father's Day since it happened to land on my weekend, not his visitation time. He said "no, I don't want to see them. They did not properly acknowledge my birthday last year so why should I take time to spend with them now?" (Note: he was out of town on the birthday he is referring to and the kids DID have gifts for him when he returned.)

I never offered again.

by ElleGator   23 Posts
Posted on 6/13/2008 12:06 PM
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If the kids are too young to shop on their own ask them what they want to do. Then take them shopping for cards or a present. Perhaps he will follow your example and help them with Mother's Day next year.

If they are old enough to shop on their own it's up to them how they want to celebrate Father's Day.

When my oldest was very young I would take her to get a Father's Day present. They enjoyed their time together. The favor was never returned; but I didn't expect it. I did it because it was the right thing to do. As her father pulled away more that gradually ended because he just wasn't there for her and she chose to ignore the holiday as he ignored her.
by trisha9054   1403 Posts
Posted on 6/13/2008 9:52 AM
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