Beginning the process of healing. 

Well, I'm a little more myself today! I think I'm over the initial shock of him just disappearing like he did. I still go back and forth from anger to scared and I even miss him  a lot. but I know we can have a good life so I have to keep going. I have been out before and actually had a nice place, a job, and my cupboards were never bare, but he always showed back up and promised that he was going to do right. We always ended up broke, evicted, and I ended up without my job. I keep reminding myself of this everytime I start wanting him to come home. I know I don't want him home because I love him, but I don't know what it is.
Does this ever get easier? How long will I feel guilty for not feeling shattered because I wanted him here and feeling a little relieved, but at the same time angry because he didn't pay any bills before he left, he just walked away and left us to suffer? I keep thinking that I must be a terrible person because I'm not sorry he chose the drugs, alcohol, and whores over us, oh, and his friends!!! I see me now, maybe a scared, lost , confused me, but still it's me!! You have no idea how long its been since I saw me, and ya know what... I don't look like the ugly thing he made me feel like!!!!!!!
I actually smiled today,and I didn't cover my mouth first!
 I called my mom, who I haven't talked to in a very long time, and she really made me feel like I can do this without him, and that I am worth so much!! It was great...I hope I continue to feel this good!!!!!!!!!!

 TIME TO FIND OUT WHO I AM... LET THE JOURNEY BEGIN!!!!!!