When I was down in CA last weekend I was able to see my 23 year old son.  He has had such a tough time with the separation/divorce.  But what has been the most difficult is the fact that his father is involved with a married woman while he is STILL legally married to me.  My sons have been quite upset and even spent a long time without any communication.  My stbxh told them back in Feb he was no longer seeing her and then they learned in March that was a lie.  He never did come "clean" about the level of his involvement.  It was only when caught in another lie that the truth came out.

My oldest said --- sorry but no.  That wasn't what you promised.  (It's not that the boys don't want their dad to have someone in his life someday --- they just think this woman is toxic.  They liken it to any other addiction).  SO they have been waiting for him to "decide" just who he picks.  Girlfriend or his own kids???  Seems like an easy one to me.  But not to my ex --- he actually thinks losing his sons is a fair trade for be able to have sex with his girlfriend whenever he chooses. The reason I say that is because he is quite clear that they have no future plans & it's just too complicated.  

So today was "D" day --- for death, disown, divorce, dissolve, disillusionment, disappear, disengage, disembowel, devolve, distaste, disdain, duplicity, disavow, deny. Jordan told Ken that it was time to get on with it and Ken said --- well eeny, meeny, miney, moe --- I pick her!  They "discussed" things for about 40 mins with Ken basically telling Jordan how wrong he is in his thinking. 

My son has always been very black & white about things.  When he was little we said he was 1/3 Buddha, 1/3 Spock and 1/3 Jiminy Cricket --- things haven't changed.  He has always made a stand for things he believes in and this is what he believes in right (or wrong depending on how you look at it).  So my sweet tenderhearted son after 40+ mins of listening to his father justify his actions - said to his father --- "Okay KEN you win.  You won't be talking to me later." and then he hung up.  Jordan was pretty upset - but he feels this is the right thing.  I had tried in the past to convince him to give his dad another chance and another.  Then I realized it wasn't up to me to deiced what was right or wrong.  It was his choice.   

Ken is blaming me of course and that's okay.  I can take it.  I could actually care less.  He is so out of touch with reality that it just doesn't faze me anymore when he rants at me about how evil I am.   

The sad thing about this (like there isn't more than one!) is that Jordan graduates from college on June 14th and this should have been an amazing time for us.  But then Ken left.  STILL - I thought we can do this.  We can be a "unit" for Jordan.  Then when Ken decided that he was more interested in his "friend" and Jordan disowned him - it made what could have been a wonderful day a bit odd.  Jordan says he cannot keep Ken away - as it is a public event --- but he will not address him in anyway.  So just a bit awkward.   I HAVE to stand by my son and support him.  I cannot make him do what he doesn't want to.  Just so sad.  

D day as in really really DEPRESSING!