June 1 

Well He has been with her every weekend for the last 8 weeks. He doesnt seem to care about me and the kids anymore. After 17 + years of marriage Im really puzzled. How can someone just turn off feelings or love? We got involved in swing lifestyle (yes big mistake) it seems he is a sex addict. Everytime I try to get close to him (and beg to get out of the lifestyle) he tells me all the sexual things I supposively dont do or like. I have tried everything I know to do. I can be adventresome but if there is no feelings there I dont care to do anything. There has been too many things said and done to just forget and forgive. I can forgive but my mind cannot forget.  He went to her after I had been in the hospital. He went to her when we supposively were working on our marriage. I know in my heart I have done all I can. Would be nice if I could just turn off feelings as he seems to have done or simply care more about sex than the person. I know what I want now and I know what I dont want. I do not want anyone who is all abot themselves. I want someone who will love me for me. I want someone who will be there for me and love me the way I love them. The process has just started but I am so ready for it to be over.