Woke Up With A Foreboding Feeling 

I woke up this morning at 6am.  I tried to get more sleep but once I remembered that the kids were camping with their dad it was hard to fall asleep again.  They left yesterday afternoon and I have the whole weekend yawning in front of my face.  What do you do with yourself?  I woke up with this unpleasant feeling in the pit of my stomach and I'm not even sure what it is.  Fear?  Lonliness?  Abandonment?  I didn't feel this way yesterday- I was busy cleaning house and I had a friend over last night.  But I didn't make plans for today because my family was planning to do a picnic this weekend,either saturday or monday.  Well this morning I found out it will be on monday and now I have today totally free.  Yuck.  Now what?  A church friend called me yesterday and invited me to her place for Game Night tonight.  I think I will take her up on it now that I have nothing going on today.  I need to force myself out of this funk. 

The skyrocketing gas prices have me worried.  As a single mom of little means this will hurt a lot if it gets as high as they predict.  What do you do if you can't afford gas?  That scare has me rethinking my plans after this divorce.  I was just going to work FT at my current job but now I am thinking about going back to school PT as well.  How do you handle that?  Working FT, school PT, homework, studying, kids homework, kids school problems, kids evening activites, sick kids, cooking, cleaning, shopping, errands, etc...  Is it even possible?  I don't know if I could handle all that, I'd probably have a nervous breakdown.  Just thinking about it makes me break out in a cold sweat.  I'm terrified to take that step. 

As far as my feelings on this divorce, I have found myself mourning the loss of the marriage but not the man.  Does this make sense?  He has done so many terrible, hurtful things that he just doen't appeal to me that way anymore.  But I am still very sad that the marriage didn't work and the happy ideal didn't happen for me.  And now the looming fear of the unknown future is constantly in my thoughts.  How does a single mom with no college education make ends meet?  Sometimes I wish there was someone here to hold my hand and tell me everything will be okay.  That would be nice.