and there’s my family, the ex’s family, the boyfriend’s family, the boyfriend’s ex’s family…
I wonder sometimes, is all this my fault? Could I have prevented this whole mess? After all, it was me who left. I was the one who, according to my ex, broke up the family unit.
I go through this once in a while, especially when my ex-husband puts our kids in the middle of his senseless crap. He insists on dragging our children into our problems. Our children are small. All they understand is that Mommy and Daddy are just friends now and that they have two of everything. Isn’t that enough for them to deal with? Not according to my ex. He thinks that our children need to understand what’s going on in our lives. Really? I am of the mindset that children need not know everything… especially all the shortcomings of their divorced parents.
Right now we are dealing with my ex’s upcoming wedding and of course with that come so many questions. The kids have started asking why daddy is marrying someone else. Why are mommy and daddy not married anymore? Does this mean that daddy doesn’t love mommy? Does it mean that daddy’s new wife’s kids will be brother and sister? Does it mean that daddy’s wife’s mom and dad will be their grandpa and grandma?
I try to answer as many questions as I can but some of them are difficult and heartbreaking. And then I start to wonder… could I have prevented this? Could I have reached out to counseling and would it have helped? Was my ex capable of changing? Should I have stuck around?
Then I stop myself because it’s all guilt. I know it is. I stop and remember. I remember all the mean things he said and did… I remember the cheating and the lies.
My kids deserve better that’s why I left. Deep down inside I know I did the right thing even though this whole blended family thing gets to me. Then again, like my kids say: we have two of everything!