Feeling some serenity..........actual peace, it's actually amazing! 

Alright, I asked him to leave last night. I can not deal with this you know. I can not destruct myself any longer with this man! I love him more than this world, but I cant be here with him if this isnt what he wants. Doesnt he realize that is causing more harm then good? I dont want to get to a point where I hate him or resent him, I want to have a good relationship with for the sake of our daughter. I feel like if he stays here any longer, I will hate him! I dont want him to leave of course, I need to see him, I need to be around him, I need to breathe him, but thats on my accounts. He doesnt want me to do those things, so why should I want to do those those things. I am so amazed at myself, I am so proud of myself that I was strong and firm in my decision on him leaving. I did not let my emotions get in the way of me telling him. I came right out and said." Andre I love you more then I love myself, I want you to stay, but I need you to leave. this is destructive, it is emotionally draining, and it's not helping much with my personal struggles. So if you not going to stick this out with me, and support and stay by by my side to see me, to see us through this situation, then I need you to leave. Seeing you reminds me of not having you, sleeping next to you in bed, reminds me of how cold you have become. I cant take it any more I need to heal." I felt so good when I said that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! finally I felt free, he knew exactly where I stood with him And he complains about how unhappy he is, well let me set yo free as well........... Just go ahead and leave sweetie, save yourself from the agony as well. i dont want yo enduring any type of pain as well.  Trust me, I am hurt beyond words, never felt this type of pain in my life, but you know what.....This will make strong for myself, for my daughter, and for my next relationship! And me knowing that, makes me feel peace and quiet during this storm. I have my family, I have my freinds, and I have my baby girl, who I know will help me get through all of this. I thank GOD for this lesson he is sending me through, I praise him because I know HE wants me to be strong. I know that he wants me to be and become a better person. He wants me to realize all of the potential that I have in me, to change!  I may have to loose my husband in the duration, but HE will supply and fill that void. This separation thing may work out, he may have time to miss me, or even appreciate my worth, who knows right?  I would like that to happen, but it no longer is my focus. If he chooses soemthing different, then thats great! But right now I am not even going to think about it.