I hated talking to people about my divorce. But brought it up in the conversation to anyone I spoke to within the first 5 seconds of our interaction.
Patially because I was looking for some validation. Acceptance. Understanding. Maybe even judgement and ridicule. In many ways, prior to pulling the trigger on this, I was really fueled by a fear of other peoples opinions.
The horror registered when people heard the news, recoiling in suprise, clinging to there own lives in a protective imaginary way. I had been there. I remember watching friends go through a divorce and being soo judgemental secretly. I knew I was above that.
I quickly realized I was going to have to create a script. A standarized brief answer that discouraged opinions, advice, or reliving unpleasant details.
I was lunching at a small local restaurant and the owner, who was a neighbor of ours stopped by the table, he mentioned not seeing me at the house for some time and I informed him I was seperated.
"Oh my God! I am sooo sorry!" He looked flustered, uncomfortable, ackward, I found myself consoling him and making totally unnecessary excuses for my own life and saw it.
"Dont apologize, we're all doing great" I said calmly. And in that moment began creating an ideal for our family image and press release. I didnt want or need pity
Sometimes, finally, we arrive somewhere in life where, we're truly not interested in what anyone else thinks. And I must say, I havent been there often but walking through the fire of this situation somehow brought me closer to that place as a personal philosophy more consistenly.
My life is my own. And an absolute gift. I have done that thing where I spend my time arranging my life to suite other people and rehearsing answers and thoughts to satisfy them.
I guess the irony is, at the end of the day; most people are too busy with there own lives to really care what I'm doing with mine.