Ventage>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>#2 

He will not admit, to anything. He keeps saying that, it has nothing to do with her.  How can it not be about her when you tell me, that if and when we dont work out, more than likely you would try to be with her, because there was already a foundation there, a connection. At the time of the divorce about 6 months from now, we will no longer be residing in the same state about 1800 miles away from her........ok so can everyone out there pretty much agree that he isnt focused on being with me, because if he were, that comment wouldnt be coming out of his mouth, nor would he even be thinking about if or when we didnt work out what he's going to do next I thought people take a break after a divorce to get themselves together, be free for awhile.  Not move on immediately to another relationship, especially your mistress. And she would be a fool to take him, but then again based on the evidence of her actions, she is a fool and more than likely will take him back. But because she is sooooo in love, she doesnt think he is capable of doing the same things but worse to her? He claims it has nothing to do with her because His feelings have been like this towards me for at least a year. Hmmmmm..... that may be true. I am not the easiest person to deal with you know......................but how come I never knew how unhappy you were? Yes you may have mentioned things I was doing that bothered you, or maybe even irriatated you a little. But have you sat me down and point things that were not obvious to me. You told HER about these things instead of the person that really mattered or the one that could make the changes. To me, not fair. Let's be real here however, were there things that you have done, to fuel my insecurities more and more, or to lower my self esteem? Yes there was. You have to undertstand, depression, low self esteem, and insecurities are a disease. If you dont recieve help for these things, you will fall deeper and deeper into these issues. I didnt start recieving help until after the affair, it may seem too late for you, but it's never too late for self improvement. ever. I think everything has to do with her, you didnt mention DIVORCE until after you and her fell in LOVE, now you feel DIVORCE is the solution. Please.........  am I a fool? Ok so you did want to try again, but, there were no gurantees that you would even stay, because your feelings had gotten so low, you didnt feel things would work. Then when I find out you spoke to her on the phone, despite me telling you to cut off all contact, and then informed the military about your hanky panky, now you no longer want to try, because I got you in trouble! AAAAAAHHHHHH............. poor baby! You are hurting, you are mad. Should I care not really, I mean after all you didnt care about  me when you were playing around under each others clothes! Get for real..................I love these journals, I can get so much off of my chest.