A few days ago I asked my stbxh if his girlfriend would be willing to give up her kids for him & he was appalled that I would ask such a "ridiculous question".  I told him that seeing that he was preparing to do just that - shouldn't he check to see if she was willing to do the same for him.
He just did NOT get it.

Then when he called last night to ask about a hotel in the area of where our son is graduating - I told him about some new clients whose daughter committed suicide 11 years ago and how they still struggle with it to this day.  He said - oh that is the saddest story.  I cannot imagine losing one of my boys."  I wanted to smack him through the phone and say hey nimrod ---- that's exactly what you are planning on doing.  YOU are making the choice to loose them.

Our oldest son graduates June 14th and he doesn't want his father at his graduation.  He has acquiesced because he knows that his father DID pay for the education and decided that it would be OKAY for him to attend - but that he has NO intention of talking to him or inviting him to the grad party.  I told him that he is 23 and I was no longer going to tell him what he had to do as far as his dad was concerned. 
THe original plan was for my stbxh to fly down with his mom (oh joy!) on the 11th which is actually our son's birthday.  We were going to be "grown-ups" and have a nice dinner together. 
Then they were going to spend the day together on Friday.  After the graduation we are having a sushi party in Japan Town and my stbxh and his mommy were to join us.  However - our son has put the kibosh on that.  His father (& his gma) are NOT invited.  So I asked my ex why he was flying down two days early and wasting the $$ on a room and car.  I reminded him that Jordan has NO interest in or intention to see him.  He said like the arrogant man he has devolved into ---- "Oh it won't come to that."  He honestly believes that just his mere presence will be enough to shock Jordan into forgiving him and all will be rosy. 
He just doesn't get "it".  I know he never will.

The same clients whose daughter killed herself told me that the best thing that could ever happen to my stbxh would be to face the music and see that there isn't a pot of gold at the end of his fantasy rainbow.  That our sons aren't there waiting for him NO MATTER what.  That there are consequences to be paid when you make a life-altering decision like this.  That your children do NOT have to support your new lifestyle.  That your wife doesn't have to be your best friend as you have sex with another woman.  That you cannot have everything. 
Our oldest son said that he thinks his father believes that Jordan & his brother are crying wolf and they will cave.  That they will NOT cut off communication.
 
What is really pathetic is that my ex was to call Jordan and "confess" his lies and betrayals & hear what Jordan had to say.  He STILL hasn't called him.  He is too chicken because he knows Jordan will chew him out.  When he told our other son - he called me after and said --- well I told him and he is just "FINE" with it all.  I kind of laughed and said - oh is he now???  He said yes, he seems to be just fine.  I asked him if he actually asked Isaiah if he was "fine" and he said no but he could tell.  So I asked him if he gave Isaiah a choice in the matter.  Did Isaiah get to choose what he wants??  He said --- well no but I figured he would tell me.  HA!  Actually made me laugh. 
SO now the chips will fall where they may.  AND let me tell you how VERY hard it is for a control freak like me to let it happen.  I have protected Ken forever and have tried to smooth things over between him and our sons for far too long.  No more.
BUT it's not my "thing".  It's my son's and they have EVERY right to say hey dad - right now I have to tell you to shove off.  I just have to keep my big fat nose out of it.  SO very hard.