Up til 2 am talking to husband.  I don't think he can see how this feels.  He has done a complete 360 turnaround.  Helping out, acting caring and not raising his vooice to the kids ( that's been since January)  and not being irritable with me for a little things.  We go next week to counseling.  I am looking forward to it now because I think it will help me communicate with him better, He does not get any hints, does not see that he was irritable most of the time with me and the kids.  He sayid eh loves me and wants to make me happy and wants me to be happy.  I told him that just all of the sudden changing for the better and doing all these thing for a few weeks isn't going to help.  I told him I have been unhappy for several years.   After we talk I feel so bad, like i am hurting his feelings.  I told him I don't want to do that.  But I also don't want to be with him anymore, I don't think.    It's not like I am going to be a good catch either if this happens.  A 40 something with 2 kids....lucky me.  I asked him why it took for me to mention divorce for him to make the change.  He said he knew he had been unhappy for a long time, but not because of me, because of his job and the unreliability of it and our lack of $$ etc.  I told him I felt like I had worked hard for a long time, doing overtime etc and had nothing to show for it.  I still feel like we are playing catch up.  OMG I can't even think of all the things we talked about....He feels bad for saying that he doesn't care about hanging out with my friends and that he doesn't like them, he said it when he was angry.  I told my best friend he said it, and he said now he can't socialize with them becasue they know and that is stabbing him in the back.   I told him that how did he think it made me feel when he said it in the first place??? He has one friend, and I bet he wouldn't even call this person a friend.  I think he is depressed, he said he has not had an interest in his hobbies in a long time.  I have sent him to the MD twice in the last 6 years because I though he was depressed, his lack of memory, lack of motovaton, irritability etc.  Both times I don't think he told them the whole story and came home with a clean bill of health.   I am so worried about the kids in all fo this.  I am rambling....