"Daddys friend samantha came with us to the movies" my son reported as soon as I picked him up.
 
I saw him watching me, scanning for a reaction, that he would unwittingly mirror. I carefully smiled, not a big plastic fake one, he is too intuititive for that, but a kind one, with as much openness as a recent divorcee could muster.

I already knew about his new girlfriend, my best friend is a private investigator. Not one with any credentials in the real world, but she can smell a rat better than anyone I've ever met. One shifty glance and she's on the story.

We had looked up the newby on her myspace page, finally, a usefullness for that timewarp of self expression. I remember looking at her photos, reading her bio in an almost out of body experience, I had finally arrived at the dreaded moment, the one I had pictured while I knew divorce was inevitable.

As with most fears, the reality was softer than the fantasy. I had the fuel of courage and a growing sense of self that stabilized me, a direction of my own that felt authentic and right. I strategically created an ideal for myself in this picture, a plan of what I wanted to be like in this role. I was his wife for ten years and two children, there was love and friendship amidst the hatred and discontent, I would focus on the love and friendship I decided.

Later that day, I stopped by his office, plopped down on the chair in front of his big desk (that I put together) and smiled. "Hows Sam?" I asked, "does she like my children?" He looked as red as a tomato and delirious. He started to stammer out excuses about her presence and seemed concerned that I was upset, it was so soon.

"Its ok, you are there father and a brilliant, thoughtful man, I trust your judgement" I said, feeling like Queen Elizabeth in a velvet gown for being so dignified.

Whether or not that was true just doesent matter. I was aware that we were molding our future as divorced people, and we needed to be on the same side.

As far as the strange sensation of having another woman in my territory, the place that I created and molded, that wasnt easy. But, I know I left my fingerprint on him and I hope in some ways he is better from it.