oh yes he plays the nice guy and most us play the game, now he is paying attention to me maybe everything will be ok now. Yea! no way that is usually when the bomb hits trust me. Yes you are being controlled but you have woke up, good for you, take care of yourself and your children from now on. Get yourself a lawyer, can go to legal aid if need to.

Story of my marriage.  Married 13 yrs with 4 kids too.  I will say this about the manipulation.  My husband has been doing this lately.  I was trying to figure out why.  I realized it last night, I have accepted the end of this.  I have accepted that there will be a new way of life.  I have set myself goals and found resources to acheive them.  So, why does he care so much now?  It is simple.  The control he had over me is ending.  He sees it.  He doesn't know what to do about it.  Hold on for dear life or throw me a way.  The man is torn.  The thing is, while he is weak, I am realizing I am strong.  I can do this.  He knows I can do this.  It's ok.  Let him flip.  Let him do and say what he must.  In the end, he will look back and hear only his voice.  He will see that he chose the road he is on.  You will look to see how far you have come.  When he starts to do that wooing thing, take it in stride, knowing tomorrow it is a new song.  If you are almost detached from him and the situation, his games begin to be just that, games.  His manipulation won't have that hold on you.  It's ok; you will be ok.  He will be on his own road.  Hopefully, he pulls it together and does well also.

I feel for you and understand in many ways exactly what you are going through because I'm going through the same type of thing, though slightly different situations.

It does hurt and then it feels like sheer cruelty...

"I just wanted to see your reaction" is a term I have come to loathe in my life...especially when in my situation, he said it after every time of accusing me of an affair for 9 years of our relationship.  Totally unjustified in even a thought of betrayal like that when he accused me time and time again, but to him, he accussed me to see what my reaction would be - to be able to gague a baseline for "the truth reaction" so if my reaction all of a sudden changed after 5 years of accussations, that he would know that I was lying and cheating on him.

Just one example, but I totally understand and the idea of him using his intelligence to be able to "outwit" you rings so many bells of simillarity that it tingles my spine...

You are not alone and I would speak to an attorney - call him on this bluff by letting him know that you will not cave into him anymore...but have your ducks of knowledge lined up first. 

Let your knowledge rise above his this time...so this time you will be keeping yourself and your kids healthy. 

You have a brain and you just need to let him see what knowledge and strength you really do have...even if it is counseling instead of a separation or divorce.  Show him what he doesn't believe you have in you...

Draw the line in the sand and stand your ground...again, whether it is that you go to couple's counseling or the route of divorce...because you have it in you to do it!!!

You CAN take back control of yourself - I can see it in your words...

Good luck!