STUCK Between a Rock & Hell
Yesterday
started out pretty nice. My stbxh called and told me that he hoped I
would have a nice mother's day. He said that he always thought I was
an amazing mom and he didn't want the day to pass without telling me
that.
Later in the day (before I was to drop out son off for
dinner) I got to thinking about my husband's quest for us to remain
BEST friends. And also about his lying to our sons about his
re-involvement with his girlfriend. As I said in a previous post he
had promised them he would stay away. They pretty much had said that
they wouldn't have anything to do with him if he continued.
WHen
I found out last week that he was still sleeping with her I called him
on it and said that our kids were going to be devastated and that if he
tells them they will most likely cut off all communication. I also
realized that I CANNOT be "friends" with someone who is so
disrespectful to me, lacks empathy and lies to our children. So I
decided to go over and tell him that I simply couldn't be his friend.
And that he needed to tell our children because I feel I am lying by
omission.
He said that he doesn't want to tell them because he
knows he will loose them. I told him that he doesn't have to loose
them - he just needs to sincerely break off with the OW. He said he
would have to think about it.
Imagine a scale if you will.
On one side are your boys - and on the other is the woman who you
REALLY don't even know who you probably won't even be talking to in a
year. NOW - make a choice. Seems like an easy one --- but he said he
needs some time. He said he doesn't see any reason why he "can't have
everything". He wants her, he wants our sons AND he wants me as his
best friend. WOW - is there anything else I can get you with that??
Yes, he DID actually say that.
It broke my heart to look at him
and realize that here is a man that one year ago would have given his
own life for the sake of his children and now he has to THINK ABOUT
IT! WHAT the hell??
I told him that this isn't about me - I
know I will be fine, I will move on and have a new life. The boys will
be forever altered by his choice for good or bad but they too will make
it as they will have me and my family. BUT he will have nothing. His
GREAT relationship will shatter and he will have no one. He will be
all alone.
What made me the most upset??? It was that I
actually for one moment thought --- I can probably talk to the boys and
see if I can get them to change their minds. That was my habit -
trying to make everything okay for my ex. ARGH! Old habits. Luckily
I came to my senses and kept my mouth shut.
So now my ex is
"thinking" and then he wants to talk to our sons and get them to
understand that he just couldn't possibly select them.
I cannot imagine how they will feel.