As the song goes... and so I find myself having a frustrating day. Actually I just short of threw something across my office so perhaps "frustrated" isn't the best discription of my feelings but we'll go with that for now (don't worry I'm not particually prone to throwing things usually). Why oh why do I continue to bang my head against the wall for civility sake? Rarely does it prompt civility and I am the only one who comes out bruised. I thought by being a sounding board for my ex when he's feeling the need would be good of me, caring and compassionate of me but as time wears on I'm realizing this may no longer be the case. This care and compassion is beginning to cross the line into self abuse.  I listen, encourage and do my damndest to support but really if it goes unnoticed or misconstrued does it really matter? Or moreover is it really a good thing to continue doing? My guess is no.

It's all my fault, the seperation, his mood, his financials, the house, the earthquake in friggin' China.... yup, all ME! Little old me single handedly threw out of whack the balance of the universe (or at least one small town). Now, undoubtedly I knocked some people's everyday lives off kilter but mostly nothing irrecoverable and I was PUSHED! I didn't tear wildly through everyones lives jostling this or throwing down that. I was slowly but surely edged closer and closer to that cliff and finally just lost my balance damn it.

Once again, I want to reitterate how easy and carefree my life is now. I know we've had this conversation before, prior to my trip to the laundromat, but I think it deserves a revisit. Simple, is all I can say. Simple and pink and rosy and just so f*ckin' EASY! I have ensured the absolute complication of everyone elses lives (especially my ex) to attain this virtual heaven on earth. I float here without a care in the world and my life runs itself. And if this isn't the case well, this is what I wanted, I chose this. umm..... ok.

Ok, maybe I'm verging on slight insanity here but rest assured it's temporary. I will, as always, be ok. I will do what needs to be done and... what? you know what it is..... just say it....
I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT!