Thank You Everyone 

As I was driving home late tonight from my parents house I started to feel like I was about to have a panic attack from the anticipation of my unhusbands arrival home.  He is due back sometime tonight or tomorrow morning.  I hope the anticipation will be the worst part and not as bad as the reality or I'm in trouble.  

So as I was driving home with the kids asleep in the back seat the thought of being around him again and the likely possibility of how rude and hurtful he's going to be just felt like too much.  I don't know if I can handle this. 

But then I thought about all the supporting comments from everyone on this site and that I am not alone, that there are others out there that are going through difficult times too and it really helped comfort me.  I am really glad I found this site and I really appreciate everyone's comments and support.  I really hope the anxiety I feel- knowing he may be home any second- doesn't keep me up all night.   

Someone at church today was asking about his deployment to Iraq and how can we stand it, blah, blah, blah..  So I decided to finally tell someone the truth.  I mean, why not?  We are telling the kids this week and it felt safe to start spreading the word because by next sunday the kids will know and I won't have to worry about them hearing it from someone else. 

She was surprised and told me that I was handling it very well.   And that's the thing, I do handle it well around other people.  I am still very friendly, smiley, bubbly, etc.  But what other choice do I have?   I can compartmentalize and deal with stuff but I still have my bad moments.  I am just doing the best I can.

So I just wanted to say thank you everyone for helping pull me out of a panicky, depressed moment by just being there.

Emeraldsky