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Could he be bipolar? 

It's been about 8 months since the night he didn't come home and I discovered he had met someone.  I have since discovered many more secrets & lies that took place during our marriage.  I've spent many of the last 8 months crying, depressed & just trying to make some sense of his actions.  How could someone who claimed to love me and our daughters do such selfish hurtful things?  Our separation has been just like our marriage...hot & cold.  We've had periods where we are friendly and then periods where we are screaming & exchanging hurtful words.  Despite all of this, I still care & love him.  He claims that he still cares for me but will not go as far to use the word love...hasn't since he left 8 months ago.  I am pretty sure he made an effort to have a relationship with the woman he I mentioned but I know for a fact that it was built on lies because he let her to believe that we were already separated when they started seeing each other.  I know know if he ever fessed up to that lie.  I am also pretty sure that while he was seeing her, he was messing around with other women here and there.  I don't know what his current relationship status is as I don't ask at all.  It is all too painful. 

After many heart-wrenching talks and arguments, he has said some things that really made me even more confused about the things he's done.  He clearly feels guilt about the pain he has caused but at the same time he will try and put some of the blame on me.  The last time we argued he started to tell me that there was something inside of him driving him to do these things and it was too hard to resist at times.  When he said it, I rolled my eyes and figured he was just giving me another stupid excuse for him being a jerk.  But after alot of reading about bipolar disorder, I am wondering if maybe he isn't bipolar.  He has been on Zoloft for about 2 years now and that seemed to help with his negative attitude and hot temper...but after he would run out and not be on it for a few days, that nasty mood was back until he got his refills.  Of course it didn't make him Mr. Happy all the time but it certainly helped make life a little calmer in our house. 

So here I am thinking he could be bipolar and wondering if I should share my thoughts with him.  Would it make a difference?  Would it make things worse between us?  Also, if he is bipolar, does that mean that maybe his hurtful & selfish choices should be forgiven?  The big question  of all...because I love him and care, do I consider the option of deciding to fight for my husband's love (given he talks to a medical professional) or is a cheater always a cheater, bipolar or not?


by SheScraps    
Posted on 5/10/2008 4:06 PM
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Tags: separated , adultery , cheating , bipolar ,
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Comments for "Could he be bipolar?"  (4) (You must be logged in to answer)
  by mtnvly
Posted on 5/10/2008 8:06 PM

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You are very welcome. No problem. I know exactly what you are going thru. Will listen any time. I can't remember thewebsite that someone told me about but a man who has bipolar discussed things  that go on freely and how they dealt with it. If I find it I will post it on here for you. It was the most helpful one but my ex didn't like the fact that I researched things to "help" us and I was told not to diagnose him, which I wasn't. I was only trying to find a way to help things work between us.
Funny thing is he and I lived together as man and wife 3-4 yrs and separated for 2 before we divorced. I could tell by the look in his eye and knew he was becoming manic LONG before he knew and even his mother , who had known him all of his life.

  by mtnvly
Posted on 5/10/2008 8:02 PM

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Thank you so much for your reply!  It's nice to know that someone out there is "listening"...even nicer to think someone understands what I'm going through.  You mentioned that your husband liked being manic...this is something I've thought of when trying to decide if I should discuss this with my husband.  I'm so afraid to hear him say that he enjoys the way he feels when he is so sexually and financially out of control.  You mentioned that certain personalities cannot live with someone with bipolar...I would be very interested to find out more about that.  I will do as you suggested and see what I can find on the subject on Google.  Thank you again so much!

  by SheScraps
Posted on 5/10/2008 7:01 PM

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Wow. It could very well be that he is bipolar. I was married to one and it sounds similar. You walked on eggshells because you never know what mood he will be in. Mine was either manic or depressed. He could not keep a job and liked to buy new things. He used alcohol to "bring him down" from the mania. Certain sounds drove him crazy( my youngest daughter has always slept with a fan running, he tried to make me make her turn it off but I would not).
He would get angry and say things and even once told me to not pay attention to what he was saying because he had no control over it. His mom was at my house once and left shaking her head telling me to "get him medicated".
Now I will tell you that he was and still is extreme bipolar disorder. I will also tell you( I researched also to try to figure things out) that some personalities CANNOT live with a bipolar disorder person. It is just not possible . There will always be issues. I am the type that cannot. You may be the type that can. That is something you yourself have to decide.
We counseled and tried everything. There was no hope for us.
It is a hard place to be. It was a hard decision to make. Would I divorce someone because they were diabetic? Mental illness is an illness right? I went round and round. He never cheated on me and truly did love me and I loved him.  It was one of the hardest things I have ever went thru. But for my piece of mind and stability in my home we had to divorce. My kids (we had none together) were feeling the effects . My neighbors were seeing the things going on.
It was like being married to a rebellious teenager who is 40 yrs old.And his mother babied him and paid his debts, something I was not willing to do either. He liked being manic but we could not be around him. He would regulate his meds so that he was manic. Other meds brought him down and caused weight gain. Research it . There are many good sites out there. Good luck!

  by mtnvly
Posted on 5/10/2008 6:41 PM

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