Dreaming (or Nightmaring) About Your Ex
I had a terrible dream last night. I dreamt that I was back with my ex husband! We were supposed to go somewhere to dinner and I didn't want to go. I was stalling, cleaning windows and straightening up (2 things I rarely do!) And I kept thinking, why am I back with this jerk? I don't like anything about him. I don't like the things he says, the way he says them. I don't like the way he looks or the way he smells. I don't like the way he holds me. Why am I here?
Was the dream trying to tell me that my boyfriend is just another version of my ex? For the most part, they are very different, but is there some core similarity? Or was the dream trying to tell me that despite my dislike for my ex, somewhere inside, I still want to be with him? I shudder at the thought!
Once I was so in love with my ex. I thought about him all the time. I want only to be with him. I thought I couldn’t survive without him. I thought his infidelity was somehow a reflection on me not being good enough. I thought I would miss him terribly. I thought all those things, but feelings change. My emotional reaction when seeing him, talking to him, dealing with him is zero. If you would have told me when I was in the thick of it that would be the case, I would not have believed it. And maybe that is what the dream was telling me. I once felt all of those things, but I don’t feel them now.
So for all of you having sleepless nights, or crying all day, or blaming yourself for something horrible that your spouse did, the light at the end of the tunnel is seeing that person and yourself more clearly and knowing that feelings are not a static entity. They change and sometimes, they disappear completely.