This a.m. my stbxh called because he had locked his keys in his truck and needed to get to his apt.  So I took him.  While we were there - I just decided --- what the heck...let's just call him on it and let it all out.  I have NEVER once raised my voice since this whole debacle started almost four months ago.  But this seemed like a good time to start.  : )  Especially after "catching" him in ONE more freaking lie.

So as we were standing in his tacky little apt - I said --- look, I know you are still sleeping with her and it really doesn't do anyone any good to keep up this charade.  He started to deny it and I say to spare me the dramatics.  He finally admitted it and said that he lied because he didn't want to lose his sons.  (He made our sons a promise that he would stop seeing her.) 
We had a two hour conversation where I asked him how he became "this" person.  I pointed to his late Grandfather's rocking chair and I said if your Grandfather was sitting right there he would be so ashamed of you.  I told him that I wasn't going to tell our sons because I wasn't going to be the one to devastate them like that.

It was fascinating to watch someone who used to think what he is doing was completely disgusting --- stand there and justify his actions.  I asked him how he looked at himself in the mirror and how he made it through the day. 

I am glad it is out in the open and he can at least stop the lies with me.  I feel bad for our sons.  They are not young - they are actually 18 & 23 --- but they made it very clear they had no tolerance for this.  I feel it is not my place to tell them that their dad is a lying POS.  He doesn't deserve them or their love.  But they also don't deserve the devastation it would cause them to learn he is a liar. 

What do you all think?  Should I tell them?  Should he tell them? I know if he does - our sons will cut off all contact with him.  There is of course much much more to the story that I won't bore everyone with - but there is a reason as to why this "demand" was made and why my stbxh agreed.

So I feel I should keep my mouth shut.  Am I right?

Comment s for "Let's Stop the Dance"  (3) (You must be logged in to answer)

Message with Invite:

  | nevermind

Divorce360.com is not a substitute for advice from a lawyer, accountant, financial planner, therapist or other professional to obtain advice. Divorce360.com is not intended to, and should not, take the place of professional advice. The opinions expressed in the divorce360.com message boards are those of the author and the author alone. Divorce360.com does not endorse any specific product or service.