As I wrote the other day, one of the teachers at my daughter's school was arrested on multiple counts of child molestation. It keeps getting worse as more kids come forward, dating back at least 10 years and we recently found out that there was a complaint against him in 2006 that was kept secret. Anger, sadness, horror can't really express how it feels to know that your child is in a school that isn't safe. And this school won the national excellence award in 1999!
I find myself, though, also angry with my boyfriend. Angry when I felt he wasn't upset enough about the situation. Angry when I felt that he wasn't supportive enough of how I was feeling. Angry, in a way, that he wasn't reacting like a protective father. And then I realized, the person I am really angry with is my ex. Angry with him for making little effort with his daughter. Angry for not being that dad that she feels will always take care of and protect her. Angry for not wanting to do more financially and emotionally for his child. It just happens to be getting displaced onto my boyfriend for not being what? Her father? He is generous with her. He helps her with homework and studying. He includes her in things that we do. But at my core, I want a parenting partner and I don't have one.
When she told her dad what happened, he seemed totally removed from it. Didn't really ask her any questions about it, about how she was doing. I don't even know if he asked her if she had any interaction with this teacher. She did. He was a substitute for her classes a few times. This guy preyed on the ESL students that he taught, though. Perhaps he knew that they and their parents were the most isolated.
And maybe the anger is really because all of the decisions where she is concerned, and all of the screw ups, are mine. I have full legal and physical custody. They see each other, but I am the only grown up. The one that chose this district because it had such a good reputation. The one that decides when she is old enought to ride her bike to a friends or take the bus alone. The one that gives permission to quit piano or audition for the arts high school. I would not trade full custody for anything. But sometimes it would be nice to have someone that wanted to share in the awesome responsibility of raising a child.