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Ricki Lake On Divorce 

Ricki Lake appeared on this morning's episode of The View, plugging her new documentary about child birth, and Sherri asked her if she "advocates" divorce.  Lake, who has two children by her ex-husband artist/illustrator Rob Sussman, declared adamantly that she doesn't necessarily advocate divorce but, she says, it CAN be good, and it was for her.

Lake and Sussman divorced in 2004, and remain close friends.

"I am an example of a positive divorce," Lake explains to the View co-hosts.  "It can work...[Rob Sussman and I] work hand in hand; we're great friends, our priority is our children, but I think...it's nice to have every Wednesday night to myself, and every other weekend, guilt-free time to be...single, and out there, and dating.  I'm not saying everyone should get divorced like me but I think there are aspects of it that are not so awful, that it really can be a healthy thing."

Well said, Ricki. 

Then Barbara Walters brought up the notion of being financially independent, something I didn't think women nowadays had to worry about.  But I'm probably wrong.  It made me wonder if there are still women today who live that 1950s life, of being financially dependent on their husbands, and staying with them even when they don't want to, just because they really don't have any other choice.

Does this still happen?  I'm going to write another journal about this after I do some more research.  Anbody have any stories about staying with their husband (or wife, for that matter) just because they were the ones who made the money?


by AndreaNostramo    
Posted on 5/5/2008 4:59 PM
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Tags: Ricki Lake , money , financial dependency , the View

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Comments for "Ricki Lake On Divorce"  (4) (You must be logged in to answer)
We've basically been miserable since the day we married.  In the first half of our marriage I didn't work, I stayed home with the kids so I felt trapped and like I had to stay.  But when I look back I see how untrue that is.  I could've left and lived with family while I got a job or went to school.  Or even (heaven forbid) got on welfare just long enough to get some schooling and a decent job.  Sometimes pride is also a great motivator in making you stay in a bad situation and you also don't want anyone to know how bad things really are.   Once I started working again it made the bad times feel less scarey because I got some of my independence back.  Independence never stopped me from taking him back, though, because of my "feelings" (something I constantly kick myself for now, considering how he jilted me) but I will never allow myself in that type of postion again where I feel I have to stay for financial reasons. 

I know someone who is worse off.  Never worked a day in her life, went from living with her parents to being married and living with a spouse.  Never got a degree.  She's been married for 25 years and when things get really rough and he threatens to divorce her it terrifies her.  She feels she has no chance at supporting herself.  What a way to live- with daily fear.

  by Emeraldsky
Posted on 5/5/2008 10:35 PM

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I am 61 and just divorced last Dec. I didn't intentionally mean to be dependent on my ex for everything. I had a daughter who wouldn't stay with a sitter and needed me home. I wasn't really making a lot of money. As his salary got better and we moved around the country we didn't stay long enough in one place to make it worthwhile to work. We always lived in the boonies. Not a lot of opportunities. Then when my daughter was in high school I realized what was going on in our lives. I stayed to get her thru college. I knew I couldn't get her into college without a ton of student loans and I didn't want that for her. I wanted her to have more opportunities to take care of herself than I had. The money got too good to leave. I found I was losing myself and had to get out.
I am still totally dependent on my ex for my alimony. But I have the farm for the next 5 years and some land of my own. I work hard and always have. I no longer have to live his lies. I received over half the assets of our 33 year marriage. I know he will eventually quit paying my alimony. I am mentally prepared for that. My life hasn't changed greatly. Well, I don't have to wonder who my ex is seeing and when he will replace me. I'm at peace with my decision and know I did the right thing for me even though I should have done it sooner.

  by trisha9054
Posted on 5/5/2008 9:34 PM

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I know MANY women (and men) who stay in miserable relationships because of finances. 

Finances are my biggest worry - even though I have my own career and make a "living" --- and will get spousal support for a few years --- I still crisis.  My income dropped SO much when he left.  He made ten times what I do and he has the retirement.  It was never a worry for me - because after all we were going to be together forever.  I got the house - which has considerable equity - but I have to live somewhere right?  While for the next few years he pays support his retirement will continue to grow while the house can only grow so much. 

I am almost 48 and I certainly didn't think I would have to be self-supporting at this late date.  It is just a scary thing. 

A friend of mine stays with her husband regardless of his countless affairs - because she has never worked outside the house and is too scared to leave.  It breaks your heart - but she is one living it.  I don't know how she does it.  But I have a lot more empathy now.
  by Mb
Posted on 5/5/2008 7:53 PM

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You'd be surprised. I know many women who feel they would have no place to go if they were to leave their spouse. I have one friend who isn't even married but has her life so entangled in her boyfriend's that she believes she'd lose "everything" if they were to break up. There is more to financial independence that just making your own money. Child care isn't cheap and it's still common for women to carry the bulk of custody after divorce. That means, she's the one who has to worry about day care costs, juggling transportation issues and scheduling. Even if child-related expenses are split evenly, it can be a tough adjustment -- especially when women still make less than men on average for the same amount of work.

  by freeangel
Posted on 5/5/2008 7:06 PM

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