Living Together: The Next 'Logical' Step? 

As my relationship with the Drama Geek grows in intensity, I find myself often asked when I will move in with him. After all, I'm told, that's the next "logical" step. Is it?

I won't lie. The subject has come up. I seem to spend more time with him than without him -- so much so that my utility bill at my apartment has dropped from $100 a month to $40. To some extent, it's just a matter of practicality. He lives very close to where I work. It makes sense for me to stop by his place after work and have dinner with him before heading home. And since I'm having dinner with him so often, it also makes sense for us to buy groceries together (pooling our money) and collaborate in planning our meals. I seem to be doing little more at my place nowadays aside from sleeping and laundry -- and even that is getting increasingly rare.

So why not live together? The Drama Geek and Mrs. Ex lived together before they got married; the concept is not foreign to him. I am the one resisting the move. In fact, the thought of living with a man outside of marriage has never even crossed my mind. Setting aside any issues of morality or faith, premarital cohabitation has never set right with me. I don't judge those who choose that path, and I know that in today's society it has become common practice.

To me, living together is a lose-lose situation. I think it shifts the focus of the relationship in a way that -- for lack of a better word -- cheapens it. Worst-case scenario is that a couple moves in together as a test. They figure that if they live together first, they can get a better sense of whether they are compatible partners. Statistically, these "trial marriages" don't improve the chances of marital success down the road. The bottom line, though, for me, is that these couples are already thinking their relationship may not work out. If they had confidence in their relationship, they would walk down the aisle. Under the best circumstances, a couple already intending (or actively planning) marriage chooses to live together to save money or for convenience. However, once a couple's lives become intertwined as tightly as they do when living together, marriage becomes a mere formality -- nothing more than paper and a ring to formalize what's already been established.

Call me old fashioned, but I think marriage should mark the beginning of two lives merging as one -- not a rubber stamp that validates something already in place. Regardless of how my first marriage turned out, I still believe in the sanctity of marriage. I still consider it to be a sacred act. And I can't help but feel like living together outside the bounds of marriage somehow cheapens what should be a priceless treasure.

That's my heart talking.

My struggle lately has been with my head. Drama Geek has made it clear that I am welcome to move in with him at any time. For him, the question of us getting married is not a matter of "if" but "when." And as odd as it sounds, I feel the same way. It feels natural to be with him; I can't picture my future without him. Since the future is something we intend to spend together, we've spent a lot of time lately discussing the serious stuff: Goals, ambitions, finances, values, etc.

During a recent financial discussion, we laid out our expenses. That's when reality sunk in for me: We could save $1,000 by living together. That's more than just a little pocket change. That makes me want to rethink my opinion of living together. After crunching numbers, I can't help but feel a little silly for not considering it as a viable option. But upon further thought, I have to stick to my guns. After all, if I were to move in with Drama Geek to save money, then really what I'm saying is "I'm going to take our relationship to the next level to achieve financial gain." I'm not saying, "I love you and I want to spend my life with you."

So, despite what may appear logical, I'm sticking to my guns -- at least for now. I will continue paying housing expenses for an apartment I barely visit. I will continue shopping with and cooking for Drama Geek. And, at least for now, I will continue sleeping soundly at night, knowing that I have not made a choice that goes against what my gut tells me is right.