I just found out that my unhusband has reconnected with an old girlfriend.  I found out through the cell phone bill.  It's the same one he used to sneak around with behind my back sometimes during our marriage.  I know I shouldn't be surprised or let it hurt me so much, but it does.  It just feels like another blow.  And he is very angry about me not wanting him to live at home when he returns from his training, he basically told me it didn't matter want I want.  He says his name is on the lease and he's been paying for it so he can stay if he wants to.  I feel that I don't have a leg to stand on and will just have to put up with his presence until he finds another place to stay.  He's offered to pay the rent and utilites until I work FT so I feel I can't say no.  (Hopefully he keeps his word, that's another one of his problems)  I just feel so trapped.  I don't want to be in the same house with him, it'll hurt too much.  How can I act normal in front of the kids when being around this cold hearted stranger is going to hurt so much?  I don't know if I can do this, just thinking about it makes me feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown! 

I felt like I was making good headway in managing with the pain of this divorce but I guess that's easy to do when he hasn't even been around, he's been training for the National Guard in another state.  Maybe I have just been fooling myself.  Now he'll be back soon and the thought of it frightens me.  He's always been hard to be around even when we were "happy".  He's been very emotionally (sometimes physically) abusive many times in our marriage.  He's very manipulative and intimidating.  Shortly before he left for training he put his fist through our bathroom door when he got angry and he called that controlling himself, he said "it's better than hitting you".  I have no idea what kind of person I'll be dealing with once he's back and I'm scared to find out.  But I don't know if I dare try to keep him out because of what he'll do also.  I wish I knew what to do!!!