Mistaking The Opposite of Your Ex for Your True Love 

Every man I dated after I split with my ex felt like the love of my life. Whether it was six weeks or four months or three years, each of those men seemed to be the one I was meant to be with. Until they weren't. What they all had in common was that they weren't my ex. They didn't cheat, they didn't lie, one of them didn't drink, another was into sports. The one I stayed with the longest was the opposite of my scientist ex. He had no interest in science. Toward the end when I found out he didn't believe in evolution, I had to really wonder what I honestly knew about him and what I loved about him. And I realized, I loved that he wasn't my ex.

Two of them proposed to me, one after 6 weeks. I had an easy out, my divorce wasn't final yet. I broke up with him the next day. I am thankful that I had enough wits about me to know that going down the path of a quick second marriage would have been a guarantee of a quick second divorce.

Don't get me wrong, 15 months into this relationship and 10 years distance from my divorce and I'm wondering where's the ring buddy? But I also know that the blissful first 12 months have morphed into something else. And I question our relationship sometimes, because things have become more complex. If we had made a commitment to marriage in those first 4 seasons, I'm not sure we would have made it. We both might have felt sucker punched to discover things about each other that aren't perfect. I'm not sure we will make it now, but I think we have a better chance as we really start to understand one another in all of our complexity.

It takes a long time to get to know someone. What you know after a few months and what you know after a few years are a world of difference. I am glad that I didn't mistake the opposite of my ex for true love. It would have been easy to do when I was feeling afraid and lonely, but it also would have been a huge mistake.