I recently started dating again after a break off of a 4 year plus long distance relationship.  Things seemed to be going along okay.  Then there became this silence.  You know the one, the one where the phone doesn't ring.  It was probably very innocent, but I noticed my reaction. 

My reaction was this heart pounding, oh my gosh, he doesn't like me any more.  (He doesn't like me anymore?  Does that sound like high school or what?)   Now my rational mind says, he just got busy, it's not that big of a deal.  However the adreniline coursing through my veins was saying, "you're not worth it, and he's not interested in you anymore, he's just to scared to tell you he's dumping you". 

For whatever reason this tiny little event turned into this all consuming emotional drama.  This same thing has happened several times before.  This time though, I noticed it.  I don't like feeling like this.  I've decided to go deeper and see what emotional baggage I'd dragging around.  I think I did such a good job "getting over" my divorce, that I did just that.  I got over it, but I didn't really heal from it.  I suspect it may even be deeper than that. 

My point is, that there are some very normal stages of grief that can be applied from death, but being abandoned and rejected by someone is a completely different thing.  Not much about a death messes with your self esteem, but a breakup certainly can.  I certainly thought I was past it......but 9 years later, I'm discovering it is still lurking in there somewhere.

  I intend to do some work healing from my divorce and some other rejections and betrayals that have gone on in my life.  I'll keep you posted on the journey.  Meanwhile, it's an important question to ponder.  Am I over my divorce?  Did I just "get over it", or did I really heal from it?