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How do you do the kids birthdays after a divorce? 

I had my kids birthday party today and invited my in-laws as well as my family members.  It went really well.  I like my in-laws and we all had a lot of fun together playing with the kids gadgets.  And when they left they told me if I need anything to give them a call (they know who's to blame in this divorce).   But what about after the divorce?  My husband is out of state training for another month so this year was easy.  Right now we are going through the process and there's still a lot of pain and bitterness so it was nice doing it without him.  But what about next year? 

I'm not sure I could have pretended to be happy with him around.  People that divorce while still living together must be very strong because I don't think I could do that and still be sane.  Back to birthdays...The few divorced people I know that have kids with their ex do the birthdays separate.  Is that the typical way?  Like holiday's?  I guess it just feels so unnatural to me to do the birthdays separate because we've done them as a family for the last 13 years.  My oldest is 12.  But I'd probably prefer to do them separate after the divorce because I have a lot of pain associated with my unhusband (he cheated, plus other things) and my family isn't too keen on him right now and it'd be awkward.

How do you do the kids birthdays after a divorce?  

by Emeraldsky  175 Posts 

Posted on 4/27/2008 8:16 PM 		Get AlertsGet Alerts!
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Comments for "How do you do the kids birthdays after a divorce?"  (3) (You must be logged in to answer)

Handle next year when next year comes. You are thinking about it in terms of how you feel right now, you don't know what the future holds as far as what you will or won't be comfortable with.

Any kid is going to love having two parties because all that means is more presents and two cakes - they don't give a damn about the emotional angst their parents are dealing with, so don't feel bad if that is how things go from now on.

 

But if you two are on good terms, don't hesitate to spend a special event together - the kids benefit from seeing their parents on friendly terms.

It's a win win for the kids either way...
by spaznskitz   3921 Posts
Posted on 4/28/2008 5:48 AM
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That sounds very good, thanks for sharing that with me.  When I was talking with a coworker once about how they do holidays he said that him and his wife hang out with her ex (and his new family) on all holidays and kids birthdays.  I thought that sounded extreme and I was worried that maybe that was the 'new thing'.  I don't think I could live up to that!
by Emeraldsky   175 Posts
Posted on 4/27/2008 9:43 PM
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It is not only very awkward to have the "ex" at the parties you give your children, but it's actually not even healthy for all involved.  I have always been a fan of throwing separate parties throughout the years for the kids.  My ex and I share every other year on the "bday weekend" for the parties and we alternate.  Whichever year gets the child..they get the party on THE day ..or whatever.  After many years, it really doesn't even come into play that it matters on THE day.  I might give the party the weekend before...or after.  and my ex plays the same.  Play fair..it all works out in the end for the kids.
by Jamlyn   2 Posts
Posted on 4/27/2008 8:38 PM