Ever wonder what goes on in an attorney's head sometimes? 

Well, tonight you get to have a little insight...I'm a family law attorney in CA...

I started on this site because of a case I'm on that is going to end Monday. I feel an overwhelming need to help people now that are just starting out in the divorce process, considering representing themselves & just out and out have no idea what to do. I had lurked on the site a bit, have sent clients to it (hi you guys even though you won't know who I am) - what can I say, I'm impressed, felt it was time to give back even more.

You see tomorrow, I'm going to win a case...and I'm not happy about it. I can't stand my client. He's a jerk. I mean a worldclass egomaniacal jackass. I suppose I could have dropped him as a client, lord knows I thought about it - but it wouldn't be right just because I don't like him. So I grudgingly argued on his behalf for the past 6 months - and it all ends tomorrow.

His wife, couldn't afford an attorney, she was on that fine line after he left her high and dry where she wasn't eligible for legal aid. (there's a system that needs an overhaul but that's a whole other journal of a different color) So she came into court pro se.

I hate going against pro se respondents. So many of them have no idea what they are doing and expect the court to be lenient or understanding that they are doing it alone - and what they don't understand is that it can't.  I feel like I'm taking advantage, but that ethical line doesn't allow me to help the other side - as much as I'm dying to.

Well, I can't say that - I guess she doesn't play texas hold em because I did give off what I'd call "tells" if she should have taken me to task on where I was going with something. I'd slow my speaking, I'd look at her more, (was it a silent urge from me to tell her to shut me up? maybe.) cough...rub my forhead...little things - I guess I knew she wouldn't pick up on it but silently I was hoping.

When jackass came to me, he had locked her out of the marital home, kept their two kids and wouldn't even give her the car - she apparently had to call a friend to pick her, and her two suitcases he packed for her up from the front porch. Now mind you, when he came to me he painted her like some over medicated (prescription) psychotic who neglected the kids. Lying SOB, I probably would have passed on the case if he was honest.

In time I found out none of that to be true to the level he described it. He just wanted her out so he could move his new love interest in and took the kids, just because he could. It was payback for the service she didn't give him apparently. Hit her where it hurt the most. On top of cleaning out the bank accounts and canceling her credit cards - he kept that from me for a while though.

And I had to be a part of it - I'm pretty much sick to my stomach.

She mainly focused on trying to get her kids back. I understood that, I'm a mother too. sad part is she isn't. I spoke to the GAL saturday, and it's official - the kids stay where they are, the schools are better and they are in the home they have been in all their lives. No reason to make them go from having their own rooms to sharing one in the small apartment she is in now.

She had no idea she had rights to the home, to his retirement, to the car, to well - a lot of things...she had no idea what she was doing. She thought that everything she'd need to file was all in that packet she downloaded from the internet. I'm not sure who she turned to for advice, if anyone at all - but it wasn't good, that's for sure.

I don't want to see her cry when she hears she isn't getting physical custody back. She sees them every other weekend and one night a week - when she used to be a SAHM.

I tried to get my client to be nicer - wasn't happening - so I had to go after what he wanted.

Fair & equitable isn't fair & equitable if you aren't sure what you are asking for.

Argh.

So I guess the moral of this journal is, people, if you are going pro se - please please please make sure you truly know what you are doing. If you can't afford an attorney, see if you do all the typing up of documents, help with research etc - if they will give you a reduced cost as a consultant instead of full blown representation. Find a paralegal to help you. Ask questions, even if you think they might be dumb.

If you are dealing with a contested divorce with custody issues - I don't care if you eat only ramen noodles and have no tv, internet cell phone and bike to work to save $$ for an attorney - do it if you do your research as a pro se litigant and still aren't confident.

I took a client one time who was starting her own cleaning service, she offered to clean my offices for the entire time I had her case to help reduce costs. Negotiate your services for theirs - we aren't above a barter.

If you don't, you might end up like the respondent I'm going to win against tomorrow....and it might make you feel mildly better that the attorney on the other side really feels bad about how things went, but it doesn't change the fact you stand to lose things you had every right to have.

tomorrow, is a Ben & Jerry's night for sure.