I did it again 

Well today I made my self upset again.

16 years ago today I went out on the first of many dates with my unhusband. I can see everything as if it were happening now. We were so young and clueless (we were 17 and 18).

I tried all day not to think about it and kept pushing it to the back of my mind. But in a laps in thinking I decided to text him and tell him I missed him. All of My Love by Led Zeppllin was our song and I told him I was sending all of my love to him. Well I am sure many of you are shaking your heads and seeing the train wreck off in the distance. He blew me off.

I'm not really sure about what I expected to happen. Clearly rejection was going to be the outcome and thats exactly what I got with out a kiss to dull the sting.

I know he is cheating on me and I also know he is not the same person I went out with 16 years ago. If this were a friend, I would tell her she is better off without him. Rationally speaking, I know I will be ok. But at this moment emotionally, I have a hard time seeing how I will survive this. He was everything to me. I built my life around him and now he is gone. I was never even given the chance to make things right.

I guess I can't understand how he has been able to just throw away 16 years, without even a second glance. I wish I could be that cold and heartless. But alas I'm an emotional Scorpio and I don't know how to turn my feelings off.  Somehow I did not get the on/off button when I was created. I would demand a refund if I could haha.

I know (or hope) in a few days I will be in a better place. I know I need to move on. As the song goes "Life is what you make it", I guess I made a different life from him and did not even realize it before it was to late.