04/17/2008
My ex wife left me June 2007 without providing a clue about what she was going to do. If we would have stayed together, October 17th, 2007 would have been our 20th wedding anniversary. From June through October she made no effort to complete the action she started. Nothing, it was like she thought o.k. I filed, that is all I have to do. I tried to reconcile, which was difficult at best, because she wanted 'no contact' with me. I wrote a heart felt letter, accepted all the blame for her walking out on me and begged for her return. I had to seek counselling after she moved out, things were out of sync, and offered to her that we could repair the marriage with the counsellor's help. He even read the letter and wept, said in all of his years in practice it was the most touching thing he read. She sent me a card and said, "Thanks for the thought." I then sent her a card with the house keys and asked for her to return. That was at the end of September. She finally 'woke up' and went to her attorney, on our anniversary date, and told him to go for my throat, so to speak. Our divorce was granted March 24th, 2008. I am still dealing with BS caused by her. She failed to include assets in the settlement, but yet when we filed our last years taxes, she claimed I was paid my half of those unclaimed assets, I'm in a community property State. Well since we filed married, but seperate, I had to file an extension because my tax return was inaccurate, at best. Also, it put me in a higher tax bracket. Now I am waiting on her, again, to correctly report her finances, so that I can get my taxes filed. This is the first time in my 33 year history of tax filings, that I haven't filed on time! I am beginning to believe that she is enjoying the mental/physical torture she is making me suffer through. I do want to put this last issue to rest, so I can move on with my life. Moving on, therein lies my problem, I am still in love with the woman that she was, the woman that she was up until the day she moved out. I went to work that morning as a loving husband and father, when I came home, it was to an empty house and a process server waiting. I wasn't allowed to fall out of love. The person she has revealed herself to be, I want no part of, but how do I not love who she was? I am trying my best to leave it in the past, but it isn't easy. Everytime I take a bit of a step to move forward, something happens to set me back. I am just not sure if I will ever recover from this. God has been there for me, but I am a weak human and an emotional man. How does one let go of a best friend? I built my whole life and future around her for the last twenty years, now all of that is in the garbage. I feel like I am in the tornado on "The Wizard Of Oz" riding that bike in the swirling wind and everytime it seems the winds calm, all of a sudden they start up again. I just wonder if this is the norm. I try to tell myself that others have gone through the same thing and survived, I would like to meet one of them for advice! People hear my story, and all I get is that "Dang!" reply. I am a Catholic, so is she, and we married in the church. So, my faith tells me I am married still, though the piece of paper says otherwise. I am blessed that I can still receive the sacraments and that is where I find my heaven. That is what got to me today, watching the Pope celebrate mass in Washington D.C. and how special I felt attending mass with the love of my life. I just can't understand how someone can just throw such a beautiful thing away and act like it all meant nothing. I guess I am too sentimental...