I Can't Think Clearly When I'm This Exhausted 

I keep trying to look for the good things each day in my life, but today is a really tough one for me to do that because I can't seem to focus or think clearly at all for so many reasons.

Simply put, I'm exhausted!!!

I got 4 hours of sleep after an argument/discussion about finances that went deeper into the marriage problems and how I keep asking him to help me out...to take my hand and go with me during this transition into a healthy relationship...and how he just cannot do anything that I want and how I end up giving into his requests all the time.

He went to bed 2 hours before me because as I tried to hand over some of the finances to him because he didn't like how I was paying the bills (they are being paid and in excess, though he doesn't like my dispersment for a legit reason), and when I said that I understood what he was saying though I did not totally agree with it, he tried to shut me out again...saying I wasn't listening to him, as always, therefore, he was done talking and I needed to leave him alone.

After some time alone we got into a discussion about him asking me what I want to do (at that exact moment he meant go to bed or continue our discussion, nothing any deeper than that) which ended up with me spilling my guts as to how it doesn't seem like it matters what I want because he can't do anything that I want - asking for couples counseling for 8 years, wanting him to make the appointment for a couples therapy session after he finally said he was willing to do it, letting him do a month of paying bills, asking what it is HE wants out of me and our marriage and as parents to our children, etc. - he never has wanted to do what I wanted.

Finally after an hour he said that he wants to be involved in the finances and since I was trying to explain to him why his good idea of dispersing money was slightly flawed, he came around finally to say that he was willing to hear what I had to say if I could prove it to him in writing.

So he went to bed and I stayed up for another 2 hours going through my computer finding all of the spreadsheets/budgeting/financial information I have put together for him for the last few years (which he never REALLY looked at or paid attention to, by his own admission), got 4 hours of sleep, had him rouse me awake so I didn't sleep in this morning and I got the kids up and ready to go while he slept, finally getting out of bed because he "thought I could use the help" with our kids fighting with me over a darn pair of shoes as I was running out the door a few minutes late (I HATE being late, but that's just me).

Now I get to be at my main job for my regular 8 hour shift, go get the kids from daycare, go home, start dinner, change clothes and head to my 2nd job for another 4 1/2 hour shift, do some grocery shopping after work, come home and maybe hit the bed by midnight for a whole whopping 6 hours of sleep for the entire process to start all over again until I get a chance to sleep in Saturday morning (then again, I work my 2nd job all weekend as well)!

Add in the fact that on my lunch break, I go home and do dishes or laundry instead of eating most days, and he worries that I'm using unnecessary gas especially due to the fact that my normal route to/from work is under construction and I have to go an extra 10 miles out of my way now.

Oh, and I even cut my husband's hair last night...and gave the kids their baths/showers...and washed/dried 3 loads of laundry (still have to find time to fold it at some point here)...started up the grill for dinner...took my son to a doctor's appointment...

I feel like I am dying today from lack of sleep, working the last 45 days in a row for a 70 hours a week, emotional roller coasters every day I am actually home and spend time around my husband...

Anyone know how to NOT be exhausted???? 

And as I said before, I can't seem to think very clearly when I am this exhausted, so please pardon the nonsense rambling...I'm so tired!