We had a talk about why our marriage didn't work yesterday.  It sucks still living with him because everything is almost the same.  Everyday we just are on auto-pilot and go through the motions as usual knowing that we are both hurting.  We sat and talked about moments in the marriage that just were not good.  And it was a kind of good talk, no enlighting moments or anything, but at one point I just wanted to ask him if we could just call the whole divorce off and start from scratch.  That I didn't want to ruin everything for our little girl.  And to just try over knowing now what we did wrong and try to change.  Then I got this jolt up my back, I sat upright, stopped crying and my eyes went huge.  What was I thinking?  NOWAY!  That was a real close one.  I didn't say it, I thought it, I was so close.  So, my mind started saying, do you want to keep hurting yourself?  Do you like living in such pain?  Protect yourself young lady!  You are going to get through this!  Yes this is scary and painful, but you are your own person and this life was not right for you!  Now go outside and smell the fresh air!  I got up and did exactly that.  I came back inside and finished the conversation, didn't cry anymore and made a list of things that I liked about myself.  I gotta get my self-esteem back.  That is more important and I know that if I can, it won't ruin everything for my little one.  It will make us stronger.