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Where was I? 

I should mention that my wife and I suffered several losses in trying to have a child. A little girl, Sarah Rose, was diagnosed with severe spina bifida in utero and we chose to relase her due to a poor quality of life diagnosis. My wife wa sonly about 4 months along but labor was induced and she was "born" naturally. We were able to say a brief googbye and they sent us home with the items that any parents of a newborn would receive. My son Kevin is a twin. I think I mentioned that my son is autistic but fairly high functional. His brother Liam was also diagnosed with spina bifida but it wasn't suppoosed to be as bad as his sister's. He died about 48 hours before Kevin was born The image of his body coming out of my wife is permanently seared into my memory. I say those things thinking that they had a lot to due with my wife's decision to ask for a divorce. She's not an exceptionally open person anyway and I can't imagine how she felt after losing two children. In her family, heartache or any kind of real emotion is locked away and you simply go on and act as if nothing happened.
by jackblue  15 Posts 

Posted on 4/14/2008 10:54 AM
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Tags: autism , spina bifida , grief
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Comments for "Where was I?"  (2) (You must be logged in to answer)




Sad. Who can really know what she felt or is still feelling. Divorce is complicated and it usually isn't one thing that defines that need to leave but in your case, maybe. Heartache is a tough one. Loss of a child, I can't even imagine let alone 2 children. My hearts goes out to both of you.

Maybe counseling..........maybe just time apart so both of you can heal from this if that is possible right now. They say people don't get handed more than they can deal with but I don't know about that.

You and your family will be in my prayers and keep your faith because if he brings to you to it, he will get you through it.

Faith rules!!!
by Linny   152 Posts
Posted on 4/14/2008 2:42 PM
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"...if nothing happened..." - I certainly feel for your grief in the midst of dealing with the course of a divorce; and, even more to the point, I do not know any details in the background for prior posts on your behalf but can relate from my perspective and experiences. What I can relate to is the impact that events in our lives have on each of us. I can relate to how one participant in a marriage is impacted by physical and emotional trauma and the other participant, a supportive spouse, is there specifically for that, support. Helping in ways that are unknown or chartered but nonetheless, helping.

I, too, have very distinctive, graphic images of what life can do to the supportive spouse. I do not have the vantage point of being the spouse that endured the actual physical and emotional scars of operation and post-partum setbacks, etc... That is not the burden that I bear, it is for my spouse. I do not question certain things because some things in life are inherently certain... I am the supportive spouse and not the one that carried the burden of the pregnancy or delivery, etc... I was there to help. Period.

And, at the conclusion of a marriage via the divorce channel, this type of "reality show" does not give much room for proper editorial editing or presentation. It is what it is... Raw footage and insight into your own life and the life of your partner. Only you will know the relevance of what has transpired. I wish you well...
by bp   1203 Posts
Posted on 4/14/2008 2:05 PM
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