and I just got emotional.  Then I had to give myself a reality check...I am not the one leaving this marriage.  It's him.  He gave up on me, I never gave up on him, I was willing to work it out with him and deal with what ever came my way,  but for him to tell me I can't make you happy, or I feel nothing for you, that broke my heart.  Since then I have learned to stay strong and push on forward.  I still cry here and there and scream and  vent, not in front him though.  That will make him feel in power.  That will make him become more cocky.  What still gets to me is that he still wears the wedding band around his neck.  WHY?  You feel nothing for me and what are you doing?   As for me...mine is in a box in another box in the closet. 

It's sad, to see a marriage of 5 years just finish.  5 years????  I don't ever plan on going back to him, even trying to be his friend or being nice to him is hard.  I can't even look at him, I despise him.  I just can't understand the man I had fallin in love with and married, is now a stranger in my eyes.  And my heart just hurts to know that everything you thought you were doing right, to that one person it was all wrong. 

I am survivor. I am beautiful, talented and loved.  And that is one thing he can never take away from me.  The fact that I am 35 years old and speak two languages fluently.  It is awesome.  I am blessed to be where I am now.  I am blessed for the friends and family that I have and that give me the support I need.  I have a heart that is pure and loving and I know there is a great man out there for me, but this great man has to wait patiently for me, because now I need to think about the well being of ME and the KIDS.  They are my number ones right now, they are the ones that keep me going and knowing that I am still loved by them. 

I am going to be okay, I need to cry and scream sometime.  It's part of changing and knowing who I am and what I can and can't do.  I will make it in the end.  I will have a great and wonderful ending to all of this.  For now I know that i must face it, deal with it, work with it and move on with it.

I am not perfect, I am only human...but I know that I will make it no matter what.

Good night