Ways To Survive The Holidays After A Divorce or Seperation
Dealing with separation, divorce and loss is magnified during the holiday season. Even the anticipation can be unbearable. Many people feel overwhelmed by the stress and strain of trying to maintain the status quo, when in fact, their entire world is collapsing around them. The Holiday season serves as a reminder of happier times and is contrasted by the reality of loneliness and depression. While others are eagerly anticipating the holidays, a newly separated or divorced person often approaches this time of year with panic, sadness, and dread. Although there are no magical solutions to cure the holiday blues, there are things you can do to make it easier to cope.
Plan Ahead - Do something that is fun, relaxing, and as stress free as possible with people you really care about. If the holidays are just too painful and the reminders are everywhere, consider a vacation that allows you to "escape " the painful triggers.
Start new family traditions - You may want to hold on to some of the past traditions but it is a good idea to create some new rituals with friends and family.
Reassure your kids - Children can help create some of the new holiday rituals and traditions. Take time to brainstorm with your children about new ideas for celebrating.
Is it in the best interest of the child/children - Decide ahead of time how holidays will be divided. Reassure kids that you will be OK while they are with the other parent. Remember, tired kids will be stressed out and cranky, so plan according to their ages and ability to adjust. Keep the arrangements as simple as possible. My kids always spent Christmas morning with their Dad and Christmas Eve and Christmas night with me. It worked out great.
Make a schedule - Make a list of everything you need to do for the holidays and a target date to accomplish your goals.
Ask for help from family and friends- Rely on a healthy support system if you are feeling isolated, lonely or depressed. Talk it out and get it out. I don’t know what I would do without my family and friends. Sometimes its even better than counseling.
Be realistic - Picture perfect holidays are usually just an illusion. Have realistic expectations about the holiday season, especially the first year.
Take care of yourself - Get enough sleep and exercise. Eat healthy in order to maximize your ability to cope. It's easy to overeat or party too much to medicate your pain, but in the long run, it creates more problems.
Schedule time to rest - Give yourself a break. You deserve it!
One day at a time/one holiday at a time - It will get easier. It will get better. It will hurt less. Right now, just concentrate on one thing at a time!
If you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, or stuck, seek professional help. If for nothing else, to get you through the holidays. Therapy can provide a safe, supportive environment in which you can gain insight, learn problem-solving skills and find solutions to dealing with the anger and pain of separation and divorce.
Maybe if you're good, Santa will bring you one of these this year.
